


Let me love you

by JenniferHere



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Complicated Relationships, Depression, First Love, Fluff, Friendship, Frozen Heart, Heartbreak, High School, Love, M/M, Sexual Content, Teenage Drama, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:51:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5360051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferHere/pseuds/JenniferHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meet Thomas, a hopeless romantic. He's a happy guy, his life is as close to perfect as he could ever imagine. He had amazing friends, good grades, and he loves his small family. But there's something missing... Thomas want someone to love, someone to hold tight at night.</p><p>Enter Newt. A troubled kid who moved to America with his mother, leaving England and their dark past behind. While struggling with depression and a dark past Newt has lost all hope in love. To fill his hollowed soul he use people, then leave them behind,  heartbroken. </p><p>What happens when Newt lays his eyes on Thomas? What happens when Thomas tries to break through the wall Newt has built around his already frozen heart?</p><p>Love has never been easy, but is it really supposed to be this hard?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The guy in the library

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! So this is the first fanfiction I've ever actually posted. I've also posted it on Wattpad (in case someone somehow have seen it there as well idk). Please keep in mind that English is not my native language So, for any misspelled words or grammar mistakes I apologize in advance. I hope you like it, and if you do please let me know! // Jennifer

The weather was finally getting warmer and warmer every passing day. It was now the end of march, which meant it was only a few months until summer vacation. The sun was peeking through the big windows in the school library, where you could find Thomas and his friend Teresa studying. They used to go there after their last period to finish some homework, or whenever they had a free period. The library had always been Thomas’ favorite place. The smell of books, the sound of pencils against paper mixed with quiet whispers that could be heard through the maze of bookshelves. The place always had a calming effect on the boy. He used to go there to study, read, or to simply just watch the other students. Sometimes he focused on one student of his choice, and just imagined how it would be to be that person. People had always fascinated Thomas, because no matter how many people he’d meet, no one would be the same as the last one.

Of course he only spent time watching people when he had time to. Thomas had always been a good student, he came to the library, finished whatever homework he had, or studied. It had never been a problem to him, but today was different. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t come up with a topic to write about for his English essay. Their English teacher had given them the opportunity to choose a topic of their own choice, a very rare opportunity. At first he had been really excited to finally get to pick and choose himself, but for some reason he just couldn’t focus.

He gazed over at Teresa, seeing her fast fingers typing on her lap top, _at least she has no problem coming up with a topic,_ Thomas thought as he eyed his friend. He smiled as he watched her writing; she looked so concentrated, biting her lower lip and typing as if her life depended on it.  She had her black hear pulled up in a messy bun and she wasn’t wearing any makeup. Thomas had always thought she looked prettiest that way, natural.

Teresa was his best friend, and they had been best friends for as long as he could remember. A few years ago she had a small a crush on him. Of course, that was before he told her boobs and butts wasn’t really his cup of tea. She was a bit surprised by the fact that her friend was gay; thankfully things didn’t get awkward between them. In fact, they became closer than ever. There were no longer any secrets between them, no wall to prevent them from getting closer. Ever since, they had been inseparable. She was the first person he ever told, the first person he ever really trusted, and the first person he loved; apart from his family of course.

For the longest of times people thought they were dating. It was not until Thomas had his first boyfriend that people stopped assuming they were dating. Not that he blamed them for thinking so. Teresa had been his date on several school proms, and events. They had even kissed a few times during parties.

“Argh shuck!” Teresa said angrily and closed the lid on her lap top forcefully. Thomas watched her banging her head against the wooden table.

“Do I have to remind you that we´re in the library?” he whispered teasingly and laughed at her annoyed expression.

“Oh fuck you shuckface” she murmured and crossed her arms over her chest pouting.

“What happened?” he asked quietly and moved closer to his pissed off friend. She looked at him, tired written all over her face, then turned her gaze back to the lap top on the table in front of them and sighed dramatically.

“The damn thing ran out of battery. And I forgot to save. I swear everything is gone. Fuck my life.” She covered her tired face with her hands and groaned.

“Hey” he put his hand on her shoulder, softly massaging her shoulder. She removed her hands and her tired blue eyes looked back at him. “Use my charger, sometimes the computer saves the document when the computer dies. And if not, I´ll help you rewrite everything, okay?” he said and reached for the charger in his backpack and gave it to her.

“Thank you Tom” she said softly, smiling. “You´re the best, what would I do without you” She smiled and plugged in the charger.

“Well, thank you, I know I´m the best. And without me you´d have no charger and a hell of a boring life” He replied with a wink.

“As much as I hate admitting it, you´re right” She said laughing.

She started her laptop and whispered “Please” over and over. Thomas eyed her curiously, waiting for her to tell if the document was saved or not. Before he could even react she flew out of her chair shouting “YES!” causing the chair she had been sitting on to fall backwards making a loud noise as it crashed against the hardwood floor. 

“Excuse me! But this is a library. Show some respect to the students who is studying!” the librarian shouted angrily from behind her desk.

“Sorry…” Teresa said carefully and picked up her chair and quietly sat back down. “What are you laughing at!” she hissed when she noticed Thomas laughing hysterically.

“Nothing” he said biting his lip, trying his hardest not to laugh. With Teresa’s funny face still printed in his mind it was hard not to laugh.

She went back to writing on her essay and Thomas still had no idea what to write about. He threw his head back dramatically with a loud groan, causing Teresa to turn her gaze from her screen to her annoyed friend. Since he couldn’t figure out something to write about he told Teresa that he was going to look for some book or something that could inspire him. She didn’t say much about it, she just nodded, and he left the table trying to find something, anything that could help.

He slowly wandered through the bookshelves, trying to find something that would catch his attention, but nothing. He walked by two girls who softly giggled as they waved to him. With a faint smile he waved back. He had seen them at a party once, but couldn’t remember their names. He kept walking, and searching for something, the only problem was that he didn’t really know what he was looking for.

After a while he found something that caught his attention, but it was not a book, it was a guy he had never seen before. _He must be new_ , Thomas thought frowning slightly. The boy sat alone on the floor by the big open window reading a book. He took a few steps closer so he could see him better. Thomas tried to see his face, but his messy sand blonde hair was in the way, and the fact that he had his face buried in a book did not make it any easier.

“Let me see your face” Thomas whispered to himself. And just like that, he put the book away, as if he heard Thomas wish. He put his book, which was The Perks of Being a Wallflower, down next to his backpack and looked to his left on the big black clock that was hanging on the wall just above the librarian’s desk. The light from the windows washed over his flawless face, exposing every feature of the guy’s beautiful face. He must have felt Thomas’ stare because suddenly his dark brown eyes met Thomas’. The guy had beautiful brown eyes, and was now staring back at him with no expression. The guy had flawless, sharp, yet soft features. Never had Thomas seen a more beautiful guy. The guy kept staring right at Thomas, a faint smile appeared across the guy’s face. Thomas quickly realized that he must seem like a weirdo staring at the stranger like that, and mentally face palmed himself as he pushed himself up against the bookshelf next to him. _Good job Thomas, now he must think you’re some weirdo_.

When he looked back to see if the blonde was still there he once again met the beautiful brown eyes. But the blonde was no longer sitting on the floor. He was walking towards Thomas. Thomas felt his heart beating faster as the gorgeous boy came closer and closer. His throat had never felt this dry, and he forced himself to look away, but with no success. To his disappointment the blonde didn’t stop in front of Thomas. Instead he winked with a flirty smile attached to his lips as he walked by and out of the library. 

                                                                                                                       ***

At lunch Thomas sat with his group of friends, Teresa, Minho and Brenda. Teresa and Minho had recently started dating. But Minho wasn’t new to the group. In fact, Minho had been one of Thomas’ closest friends for quite some time. He had known him since 7th grade. They first met in the school´s track team and almost immediately became good friends. He was a very tough guy, and most girls would die to be his girlfriend, but Teresa got to be the lucky one. It’s actually a fun story how they got together, because before that they were almost mocking each other every day, and both Thomas and Brenda knew they liked each other but that they were too proud to admit it. But a few weeks ago, at a party, Thomas made them kiss when they played truth or dare. Apparently that was all that had to be done for the two to finally realize they were completely in love. 

When Thomas decided to come out to the rest of his friends, Minho was the one he was afraid would react negatively. But he didn’t; he was a little shocked, like the others. They all said they would have never guessed, since apparently they thought Thomas was very “manly”.  But they all took it very well, and Minho still changes in front of Thomas. The fact that his friend was gay didn’t bother Minho in any way, and Thomas couldn’t be more grateful.

Though most of his friends were okay with Thomas being gay, didn’t mean everyone was. There were a few friends who turned their backs when he told them, but that just proved how fake they were, and that they were nothing.

“Hey Tom, are you gonna eat that” Teresa said pointing at Thomas chocolate bar that was lying untouched on his tray.

“I wasn´t intending to, but since you asked. Yes I am” he said smirking teasingly.

“Oh come on” She pouted and looked at him with her incredibly cute puppy eyes. He laughed and shook his head.

“Take it” He said and threw it over to her.

“Yay thank you Tom!” She said as she took a bite from the bar.

“You´ve already eaten like five snickers today, and yet you take Thomas’” Minho said laughing.

“Yeah, so what” She said and looked at him with her does-it-look-like-I-care face.

“Yeah, I don´t what my girlfriend to get fat” he answered jokingly and laughed. Thomas and Brenda shared an amused look and laughed at their friends.

“Oh fuck you. No sex for you for the rest of the month. Or blowjobs on the school toilet” Teresa said and gave him the finger.

Minho almost choked on his apple. “Teresa!” But she just took another bite from her snickers bar and raised her right eyebrow. Thomas chuckled quietly as he shook his head. He loved his somewhat crazy friends.

“Okaaay” Brenda said and put her bottle of water back on the table. “Since we´re sharing this kinda stuff I might as well tell you all that I´m off to change my tampon. Be right back” She said and left the table.

“GROSS” Minho yelled after her. But she just turned around and made a peace sign with her fingers as she disappeared out of the doors. 


	2. Party mood on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
> I've decided that I will be posting a new chapter every Saturday. But if I won't be updating some Saturday, that's because I'm also human. But I will try my best to update every week. Also I've already got the next two chapters done, so who knows. Sometimes I might post two chapters because, well I can ;) Please enjoy!! // Jennifer Here

There were books thrown all over the floor in the brown-head’s room. Angrily Thomas threw another book, adding to the mess on his floor. He still had no idea of what to write about. He had started writing at least six different essays, but he never got happy with the topic, or the way he wrote it. It was like all his creativity had been sucked out of him. He usually loved writing essays, but now he just couldn’t concentrate. Yesterday he had problems concentrating because it was Thursday, and he knew the weekend was just around the corner since this week they had Friday off. But today, sure he was excited for the party at Alby’s tonight, but it wasn’t tonight’s plans that kept distracting him. It was something else, or someone else.

Deep, intense, brown eyes, messy sand blonde hair, and that flirty smile, kept popping up in Thomas’ head. Who was that guy? Why had Thomas never seen him before? Was he really new or had Thomas just completely missed him? After all, there were about three thousands students attending Glade High School. Thomas saw new faces almost every day. But if that guy wasn’t new, why had he never seen him before. And he was sure that he’d never seen him before, Thomas would have remembered that perfect face.

With one frustrated sigh he gave up. He would have to worry about the essay later; there was no way he would be able to start on it now anyway. He turned away from his bookshelf and groaned when he saw the mess on his floor, books all over the place. Just as he was about to reach for a few books on the floor in front of him the door swung open.

“Hello there Tom, I thought it woul-WHAT happened in here?” Teresa said, her eyes widening. She dropped her bag on the floor next to the opened door and picked up a few books to help Thomas put them back. “I guess you still haven’t decided what to write about” she picked up a few more and handed them to Thomas.

“Thanks” He said and put the books back in the bookshelf. “And no, still nothing, and I decided that I’ll forget about it for now” He replied as he threw himself on his bed, face down in the pillow he groaned loudly, pulling his duvet over his head.

He felt the bed dip next to him as his friend sat down next to him. “Awe, cheer up love. I thought maybe we could get ready for the party together!” she said cheerfully, bouncing up and down making the whole bed squeak.

Whenever there was a party they always got ready together. Normally girls would take a lot longer to get ready than Thomas since he didn’t wear any makeup. But Teresa never wore that much makeup, also, she would always show up in the clothes she was going to wear for the night. Basically, all she did was putting on a little makeup, and then decided what Thomas was going to wear.

Thomas carefully peeked through under his duvet. He met two blue eyes and a wide smile. “Okay” he said as he sat up next to his friend. “Help me find something that would make me look hot” he said as his thoughts went back to the boy with sand blond hair and brown, dreamy eyes. He felt his cheeks heat up. He didn’t really know how it was even possible. After all, he’d only seen that guy once. But there just was something about that guy, something that made Thomas curious. He wanted to get to know that guy, to befriend him. _Or maybe something more._ Thomas thought, which of course only made his blush even worse.

“Thomas!” Teresa said way too loud and stood up. As soon as she realized she put her hand over her mouth. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to be that loud” she said laughing. “But Tom, whaaat?” she said winking. “Who is it? Tell me. Now!” she sat down on the floor in front of the bed Thomas was currently sitting in, and looked up at him like a curious kid that was about to hear the best bedtime story ever.

“Well” Thomas started off hesitantly, rubbing his right shoulder. “I’m not even sure if he’ll be at the party. But I saw some guy in the library yesterday. And, I don’t know” he sighed frustrated. “I’ve never seen him before, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen someone that attractive before. And I’m pretty sure he winked at me. God I sound like a girl” He said as he grimaced.

“Hey, first of all, there’s nothing wrong with being a girl” She replied slapping him. “Secondly, finally you got your eyes on someone else instead of your ex. And thirdly, I know exactly what you should wear” She said as she stood up and walked over to the black closet next to the bed.

Thomas just looked at his way too excited friend and smiled. And it was true, he was glad that he had found someone else to occupy his mind instead of his ex-boyfriend Keith. Thomas and Keith had been dating for a little bit over a year when they broke up because of Keith’s homophobic parents. They had no idea that their son was gay, they just thought Thomas was his best friend, and they tried to keep it that way in front of his parents. But one day they walked in on them kissing. Thomas wanted to keep seeing Keith behind his parents’ backs, but Keith had always been too much of a good boy and couldn’t let his parents down again. Keith’s parents even transferred him to another school, to make sure they wouldn’t meet up in school. Thomas was devastated. He wouldn’t leave his room for days, not even Teresa could do anything to make it better. It had been six months, and Thomas had finally been able to move on.

                                                                                                    ***

Thomas stood in front of a big mirror that was hanging on his door, slowly examining his outfit, which was the third outfit he tried on. “I like this” He said and turned to Teresa who sat on the floor next to him, texting someone. “Umm, yeah, white shirts always look good on you. But maybe you should try the dark blue jeans instead of the black ones?” She said raising her eyebrows hesitantly.

 A loud moan escaped Thomas lips “I though you said you knew exactly what I was gonna wear!?” Teresa rolled her eyes as she stood up. “Okay, okay. Wear that, it looks good” Thomas looked at her suspiciously. “I promise” she said smiling. “Now, finish your makeup so we can leave” Thomas said as he sat down on the chair by his desk. “Yes ma’am” Teresa said reaching for her bag.

                                                                                                    ***

Thomas and Teresa entered the door to Alby’s house to be welcomed by extremely loud music, smoke, and people dancing. High school parties wasn’t something that impressed Thomas that much, he was more of the type who liked to stay at home with his friends, ordering pizza, watch a movie, and just talk. Most of the time he enjoyed being the “good boy”, the one who stayed away from parties and alcohol, and concentrated on his study. But occasionally he felt like letting go of the rules and just be what was considered a normal teenager.

He wasn’t really intending on going to this party when he got invited by Alby a few days ago, but Teresa had insisted. She told him that Alby was throwing this party for his childhood best friend from England who apparently just moved here. And since Thomas had nothing better to do that weekend he decided to go with his friends. Which reminded him “Hey where’s Minho and Brenda?” he asked Teresa, not really sure she could hear him over the music blasting. “Minho told me we’ll meet in the kitchen. So let’s see if they’re here yet!” she half screamed and took Thomas arm and dragged him into the steamy crowd of sweaty bodies.

After a few minutes of pushing and getting pushed, they made it to the kitchen. Teresa stumbled dramatically into the kitchen “can’t believe we actually survived that” she said laughing. “I know right. I thought we’d never find a way out of that crowd” Thomas replied laughing. They looked around in the kitchen. Searching for their friends. “I don’t think they’re here yet.” Teresa said as she took a seat next to the kitchen table.

Except for Thomas and Teresa there were a few other people in the kitchen. Tree of them also went to Glade High School, and then there were two other girls Thomas had never seen before. They were talking while mixing some drinks at the counter. The girls were wearing short, tight dresses, showing off a lot of cleavage. And to top it off, outrageously high, high heels, making their exposed legs seem even longer. Thomas studied they small group closely. The group consisted of three guys, all of them from Glade High School, and then the two girls he’d never seen before. One of the guys, Gally, was known for being the biggest player of Glade High. He always seemed to find the girls who showed off most skin; Thomas guessed one of those girls would be his next game.

“Are you even listening to me?” Thomas gasped as he felt a sharp pain spread across his chest. “Did you just hit me?” Thomas asked putting his hand over his chest where Teresa seconds earlier had hit him. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to hit so hard” She said covering her mouth trying to hide the fact that she was laughing. “I can’t believe you just hit me” Thomas said with the most offended expression possible. “Oh shut up!” she said rolling her eyes. Thomas didn’t reply, he just grabbed her arm and pulled her down until she sat on his lap. This felt like a good time for revenge, so Thomas put his arms around Teresa’s slim body and hugged her. Hard. Way too hard.

“Thomas, are you trying to kill me?” she managed to say. She tried to break free from his hard embrace, but with no success. “Tell me you’re sorry” Thomas said mockingly. “Never!” Teresa shouted, kicking with her legs laughing.

“Well well. What is this? Are my bro trying to kill my girl?” Thomas and Teresa turned their heads to meet the amused expression of their friend Minho. Brenda stood next to him leaning against the wall next to the counter, laughing. Thomas let go of his laughing friend and she lightly slapped him before she happily ran over to Minho. “Hi babe” She said and kissed him, then turned over to Brenda and gave her a hug. Thomas also greeted his friends, and then they went to the counter to mix some drinks.

                                                                                              ***

Several hours, and drinks later, Thomas found himself in the middle of the steamy crowd, dancing with Brenda. Minho and Teresa had disappeared, and both Thomas and Brenda knew better than trying to find them. The loud music was pounding, and he and Brenda was swaying in the rhythm of the music. Thomas put an arm around Brenda and pulled her closer to him, grinding their hips together. Most people would have thought that dancing that intimately would mean something more than just friendship. But that was all it was. This was just a way of having fun. Thomas had danced like this with Brenda many times, and since she knew Thomas was gay, there would never occur a misunderstanding between them. Besides, Brenda had her eyes for someone else.

Brenda pressed her back against Thomas’ front and put her arms up. Thomas placed his hands on her hips, and he could have sworn that they looked like the sexiest couple on the dance floor. The thought made Thomas chuckle. As they danced he looked around at the other people on the dance floor. Then someone caught his attention. Across the room he saw a guy leaning against the wall, watching him.  And it wasn’t just any guy. It was the guy with the dreamy brown eyes and sand blonde hair. 

Judging by the look on the guy’s face he had been watching Thomas and Brenda for a while. Thomas kept dancing and rubbing against Brenda, without breaking their eye contact. He kept staring at Thomas as he took a sip from his beer. Thomas felt his whole body heat up, and he wasn’t sure if the cause of it was the very attractive guy observing his every move, or if it was the alcohol rushing through his veins. Maybe both. When the guy across the room bit his lip Thomas felt a tingling feeling down below. Quickly he broke the eye contact and took a step away from Brenda.

How awkward would it be if Brenda thought Thomas’ growing boner was because of her? “You okay?” Brenda half screamed to be sure Thomas would hear. “Uh, yeah. I just need some fresh air. Go see if you find Minho and Teresa. I just need a few minutes” he said and gave her a quick hug before he squeezed through the maze of people desperately trying to find a way out of the house.

He sat down on the grass next to a small fountain in the garden. He buried his face in his hands and groaned, going over in his head what had just happened. He felt a bit disgusted by himself for getting turned on by that guy while dancing with Brenda. Also guilty by the fact that he wish that Brenda would have been that guy. He wanted to know how it would feel like to have that guy pressed against his body while swaying to the rhythm of the music. How it would feel like to press him up against a wall while kissing him. _For fuck’s sake Thomas! Get yourself together. I don’t even know his name;_ Thomas thought and laughed at his own stupidity. 

“Laughing at your own jokes eh?” someone behind him said in a British accent. Thomas could only think of one person at that party with a British accent, and that was Alby’s friend who this party was dedicated to. Even though Thomas really didn’t feel like talking to someone right now he put a friendly smile on his face and turned around to meet Alby’s friend. His smile quickly disappeared when he met the eyes of a certain blonde.


	3. Seven minutes in heaven...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know it's one day late. But I was really busy yesterday. Anyway here it is! Also next Saturday I won't be home, so I'll probably post next chapter on Monday next week. BUUUUUUUUTTT I promise that the chapter will be longer than usual. Okok? :) (btw, haven't had time to go through this chapter that many times, so you might find some mistakes!)

For a few seconds Thomas just sat there, staring at the guy who was standing in front of him. He was wearing dark blue jeans, and a gray V-neck sweater with a black shirt underneath. Thomas opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it again. What was he going to say? The guy chuckled quietly as he took a seat in front of Thomas on the cool ground.

“I’m Newt” he said as he offered his hand. Thomas slowly reached for Newt’s hand and shook it, “I’m Thomas” he replied.

There were so many thoughts running around in Thomas mind, and all of them were about the blonde sitting in front of him. What was he even supposed to do? He finally got the chance to speak to the guy. Yet he just sat there counting stars instead of trying to start a conversation with the guy that had been on his mind since he saw him in the library yesterday.  He was getting worried that Newt would get tired of him and leave. The panic started to build up inside him as he tried to come up with something interesting enough to say. Thankfully the blond spoke before Thomas’ brain exploded.

“So, where’s your girlfriend?” Thomas turned his gaze back at Newt. He was sitting with his back against the fountain, looking straight into Thomas eyes.

“Brenda? She’s not my girlfriend. We’re just friends.” Thomas stated as a matter of fact. Newt raised his right eye brow to indicate that he didn’t believe a word Thomas just said. “No really, we’re just friends, I swear” Thomas said laughing.

“Yeah right, you two practically had sex on the dance floor” Newt said laughing.

“Seriously, we’re just friends” Thomas replied.

“Yeah right, _friends_ ” Newt said with a wink. “I’ve had a few _friends_ myself” he said with an emphasis on the word friend. “So I’m not one to---“

Before Newt could finish his sentence Thomas blurted out “I’m gay”. It wasn’t until the two words had escaped his lips that he realized what he had just said. Immediately he felt his cheeks grow warmer. Newt didn’t say anything, he just stared at Thomas with a smug smile attached to his lips. Thomas felt extremely nervous. Not only because of the fact that he just blurted out that he was gay, but also because of the fact that they were alone.

“Well, I don’t know about you. But I need a drink. You want one?” Newt asked as he stood up.

“Yeah sure”

“Okay. I’ll be right back” Newt said with a wink before he disappeared through the door. Thomas knew he probably shouldn’t be drinking more. But he felt like he needed it to boost his confidence.

Except for the music coming from inside it was a quiet and peaceful night. The wind was blowing lightly, making the trees slowly dance. The night sky was almost cloudless and the stars and moon was shining bright. It was a beautiful night.

He heard the door behind him open, and a girl stumbled out laughing hysterically. It was one of the girls with outrageously high, high heels, who had been talking to Gally in the kitchen earlier. A few seconds later Gally also stumbled out, not really surprising. Both of them were too drunk to walk properly. Gally whispered something in the girl’s ear, making her giggle. Together they stumbled down the street, probably on the way home to Gally to spend the night together. Thomas felt a bit disgusted. He never understood why you would want to sleep with someone you don’t know. Then he suddenly felt a little guilty for judging Gally, after all he had a few thoughts about Newt on the dance floor just a few minutes ago. It wasn’t sex thoughts, but still inappropriate since he didn’t even knew the blonde.

A few minutes later Newt came out with two red cups and handed one to Thomas before taking a seat next to him. “I hope vodka and orange juice is okay. That was all that was left” Newt said and took a sip.

“Yeah, thank you” Thomas sad and in one swing drank half of it. The second he felt the burning sensation down his throat he regretted it. “What the fuck? How much vodka did you put I here?” he asked coughing.

“I don’t know. Probably too much, I’m not good at mixing drinks” Newt said laughing. Thomas looked at Newt in awe; he was absolutely adorable when he laughed. Thomas had never seen a more adorable laugh before. _Except for Keith’s_. Thomas quickly shook that thought out of his head and focused on the guy in front of him instead.

“What?” Newt asked confused when he realized Thomas was staring at him.

“Nothing” Thomas quickly said and looked away.

 

“Hey Newt and Thomas, me, Minho, Teresa and a group of others thought it would be fun to play truth or dare. You know, for the old times’ sake” Thomas turned to the direction of the voice, and spotted Alby and his two friends standing in the doorway. Minho’s hair was messy and you could no longer tell that he had spent at least thirty minutes on his hair before he came here. Teresa who stood next to her boyfriend also had a serious case of messy hair, _I wonder what they’ve been up to,_ Thomas thought and laughed.

“What are we, twelve?” Newt said tiredly and rubbed his neck, clearly annoyed by the interruption.

“I said for old times’ sake. Come on” Alby said walking towards Newt and grabbed his arm and pulled him off the ground, earning a loud groan from the guy.

As Alby and Newt disappeared through the door Teresa looked at Thomas with an amused look. “Was that him?” she said winking. Thomas just nodded and smiled as he felt his cheeks heat up.

                                                                                                            ***

It was now 5AM. The loud music had been replaced by quiet, slow songs, the once crowded dance floor was clear of people, and the only things left was the red cups thrown all over the floor. Upstairs in Alby’s spacious bedroom eight teenagers sat in a circle laughing hysterically, Thomas, Minho, Teresa, Brenda, Newt, Alby, Harriet and Sonya. They had been playing truth or dare for the past 3 hours, Thomas couldn’t remember last time he had this much fun. He had kissed almost everyone in the circle, except for Sonya and Newt. He actually had been making out with Minho for thirty seconds, which normally would have been really awkward. But with all that alcohol rushing through his veins he’d lost all sense of shame long time ago.

Except for a lot of kissing a lot of other crazy stuff had happened. Minho had been running up and down the street in his boxers, Harriet had licked cream from Brenda’s neck, Teresa had prank called some stranger, and so on. Thomas was starting to get really tired and he knew he had to go home soon. But he really didn’t want to leave. It felt good to just sit there on the floor in Alby’s room, playing truth or dare, and daring each other to do silly things, like you used to do when you were fourteen. It helped Thomas forget about school and the fact that he was soon turning 18, and was going to graduate in less than three months.

Beside the fact he was tired, he hadn’t kissed Newt yet, which was also a reason he didn’t want to go just yet. And since he had already kissed almost everyone in the group during the past three hours it wouldn’t be weird if he kissed Newt too. He just needed someone to dare him to do it.

As if Teresa had just read his mind she reached for the bottle in the middle of the circle to spin it. Everyone was staring at the bottle to see who it would stop at. It stopped pointing at Newt. Teresa gave Thomas a sly smile then turned her gaze to Newt. “Truth or dare?”

“Uhh, dare” the blonde replied. Thomas who knew where this was going felt a lump form in his throat.

“Well then. Seven minutes in heaven…” She paused and looked at everyone in the group, trying to not make it obvious that she’d already decided for Thomas. “…with Thomas” she finally said when her eyes went back to him.

“Okay then, come on” Newt said and got up from the floor. The others started cheering, and Thomas was sure that his face was as red as a tomato.

“Get in in the closet. I’ll set the time on seven minutes once you’ve closed the door. And while you’re doing” Alby had to take a short pause laughing. “While you’re doing whatever you’ll be doing we’ll keep playing. Kay?” Alby reached for his phone on his bed to set the time.

Newt had already opened the closet and told Thomas to get in. Thomas pushed himself up against the wall in the small closet. How was Newt supposed to fit in here as well? _Because hopefully you’ll have him pressed up against you._ Thomas felt his blush spread all over his face because of that thought. But thankfully it was too dark in the closed to be noticed. Newt stepped into the closet and closed the door after him. Once Newt had closed the door Thomas realized that it wasn’t as small as he thought it would be, and he was both happy and sad about it.

It felt like they had been standing still for minutes and Thomas was starting to get really nervous. What was going to happen? Should he do something? But what if Newt didn’t want to do anything? Were they only going to stand there till the time was up? Before Thomas had a chance to react Newt had taken a step towards him in the darkness. He couldn’t really see him or how close he really was, but his guess what that he was pretty close since now he feel the blonds every breath. His breath was warm and it was a mix of alcohol and something sweet. Newt stepped a little closer, and this time their chests touched.  Thomas felt his breath hitch in his throat. He felt Newt’s hot breathing traveled from his nose and mouth area to his neck, and to his ear.

“So what do you wanna do?” Newt whispered seductively. Thomas was on the verge of freaking out. The alcohol in his body didn’t seem to make him calmer anymore, at least not his nether region.

He tried to sound confident, but his voice betrayed him. “I-I d-don’t know”. He mentally slapped himself for making his nervousness obvious.

This only caused Newt to press himself harder against Thomas, and he was now able to feel Newt’s lips gently brush over his ear. “Are you nervous… Tommy?” He wasn’t able to see the blonde, but he could hear the smirk in his voice. The sudden closeness and that nickname didn’t really make it any easier for Thomas’ growing erection.

Thomas opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. What was he even supposed to say? He was pressed up against the wall of a dark, small closet, and by probably the most attractive guy he’d ever seen. He was losing it. Then he felt Newt’s breath shift from his ear to his mouth. He felt the guys lips lightly brush against his lips, and all he wanted to do was to press him up against the other side of the closet and kiss the blonde. But he just couldn’t do it, he was paralyzed. Thomas felt the frustration build up. Was Newt going to kiss him or just keep teasing him with these light brushes? All too soon Newt took a step back, breaking their body contact. Thomas let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Then he heard something that made his whole body tense. A quiet laugh? Was Newt laughing at him?  Then he suddenly felt Newt pressed against him again. Newt’s hot breathe back to his ear.

“I’m not gay” Then he broke apart again just in time for the others out there to shout “times up”. Newt opened the closet door and a ray of light hit Thomas face. Newt turned his face to Thomas and winked before he turned his face to the others seated in front of the closet.

Thomas felt stupid, humiliated even. He looked at Teresa and she could tell something was up. He slowly stepped out of the closet, and quickly put a smile on his face before anyone else would notice.

“I think that should be it for today guys. It was fun having you here. We all should totally hang out more often” Alby said smiling as he stood up stretching his arms. Everyone agreed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Last week I said that this chapter would be longer than usual. But I decided to split it in two chapters instead, so I will post the next part tomorrow. Anyway, here's chapter 4 I hope you'll like it. And please tell me what you think! I'm very insecure and would like to know if I'm doing something wrong, or if there's something you don't like or whatever. Thank you! :) // Jennifer Here

_Ring, ring._ Thomas didn’t even bother to look at his phone, he already knew who it was. Teresa. She had been calling at least five hundred times this morning. And he knew exactly what she wanted, and he really didn’t feel like talking about the Newt incident just yet. He still felt embarrassed, and the fact that he had the worst hangover ever didn’t make him feel any better. Releasing a loud groan he buried himself in his blue fluffy pillows. A part of him just wanted to sleep away that awful headache and the other part just wanted to disappear from the face of earth so he never would have to face Newt again. How is he ever going to be able to show his face in school again? The frustration started to build up and Thomas sat up as he took one of his pillows and started to hit the wall with it over and over. A few seconds later he realized that he was acting like a five year old who just got his first no. Leaning against the wall he pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on his knees. Now he was mad at himself. How could he let that guy affect him this much? He didn’t even know him. He’d only known of his existence for two days, yet he let him have that big of an impact on him. Thomas let out a bitter laugh, how could he be so stupid. He felt like shit and at this moment he promised himself that he would never ever drink that much ever again.

_Ring, ring._ Once again he ignored his friend’s phone calls. Instead he got up from his warm and comforting bed and went to his bathroom.

Staring at his own reflection in the mirror he sighed. Big dark circles under his eyes, his hair a mess. _I look like death_ , he thought. He stared at himself for a few more seconds before he stripped down and went into the shower. The warm water felt good against his naked skin and he slowly rested his arm and forehead against the wall, as he let the water run down his body. The steam from the hot water rising around him stuck to the glass walls in the shower.

He stood there, not bothering to move. Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. Thirty minutes. There were so many thoughts going on inside his mind about what happened yesterday. He tried to not think about it. But the more he tried to block these thoughts out, the harder it got. Why did he even care? He was drunk, he could use that as an excuse. Also who said he would run into Newt in school. After all it was a huge school with five different buildings. Besides, if he acts like he don’t care about the incident maybe Newt wouldn’t care either. And they both could forget about it. Thomas was probably making this a bigger deal than it really was. He always tended to be a bit overdramatic and paranoid about these kinds of things. After a few more minutes of thinking he dropped it and reached for his shampoo bottle.

After the shower he already felt a lot better. The headache was slowly fading, and he felt more confident about the Newt incident. If he met Newt in school on Monday he’d just pretend like it didn’t happened, and if Newt, for some reason, would bring it up he’d just laugh about it and blame it on the alcohol. As he opened the door back to his bedroom he saw someone sitting on his bed waiting for him. Thomas tiredly groaned as he turned around ready to lock himself up in his bathroom and hide. But the two blue, very familiar, eyes had already caught him.

“Don’t even try.” Teresa said as she jumped out of his bed. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?” A flash of hurt washed over her face but quickly got replaced by concern. She took a step closer. “Are you okay?”

Once again Thomas groaned and buried his face in his hands for a few seconds before he looked his best friend in the eyes. “I’m fine Teresa. I’ve just been asleep” He felt a little guilty for lying. But he couldn’t really tell his best friend that he had been ignoring her on purpose, right?

Teresa rolled her eyes. “Do you really think I’m that stupid shuck-face? I know you ignored me, and I know that you’re _not_ fine.” She sat back down on Thomas bed and smiled at him sadly. “What happened yesterday with that Newt guy? And don’t just say that nothing happened, because I know something happened. I could tell by the look on your face when you stepped out of that closet” Oh how bad Thomas wanted to say that nothing happened, but how could he lie to a friend like Teresa? Someone who had always been there by his side, someone he could always count on, someone he truly loved.

“Okay” he said slowly. “But first I need to get dressed, then we can go to a coffee shop and I’ll tell you everything. Sounds good?” Teresa immediately lightened up.

“Sounds good to me. Now get dressed!” She said as she went over to Thomas’ closet and choose some clothes and threw them at him. Thomas just smiled as he picked up the clothes and went back into his bathroom to get dressed.

                                                                                                                 *** 

They went to the closest Starbucks and ordered their drinks before finding a table. The coffee shop was pretty full, there were people everywhere. Which made Thomas a bit nervous. He looked around to see if he could find any familiar faces. He didn’t feel like telling Teresa about the Newt incident if there was any curious eavesdrops around the corner taking part of this information. When he found no familiar faces, other than some elder people who used to be there, he calmed down a little. Reminding himself how easily paranoid he was.

After they’d ordered their drinks they found a little round table next to a window with two armchairs in front of each other. “Okay, now tell me” Teresa said as she took a sat down in the armchair in front of Thomas at the little table.

And he did. He told her everything, in detail. From the looks Newt was giving him while he danced with Brenda to their little talk outside all the way to what happened in the closet. Not even once did Teresa interrupt him, even though he could tell she wanted to comment some things. Teresa had always been a really good listener; she was always quiet until you’d finished speaking, and she always showed respect to the person talking to her. Unless it’s some asshole talking to her, then she could be quite aggressive.

When Thomas was done telling her everything, she was quiet for a few seconds, trying to think of a good answer. “I was trying to think of something good to say. But all I can think of is that he sounds like an asshole. I’m sorry” She said honestly and took a sip from her coffee.

Thomas sighed. “I know, I know. But I just can’t seem to let it go. I don’t know why” He said frustrated. He just wanted to forget it and move on, and Teresa seemed to read his mind and didn’t push it any further. She now knew what happened, and she could tell by Thomas’ expressions hat he didn’t wanted to talk more about it. So they let it go and started to discuss other things.

                                                                                                                 ***

**NEWT**

A light knock on the door woke Newt. He slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the light. “Come in” he rasped. His throat was dry and he could hardly speak. The hangover came crushing down all at once. The illness was unbearable.

His mother opened the door and went inside his messy bedroom. There were still a lot of boxes all over his floor since they moved. “Good morning sweetie…” she quit her sentence when she saw the state of her son. “You look horrible my son” She smiled and laughed lightly. Normally a mother would be furious to find their underage kid with a hungover. But technically Newt wasn’t underage. In America he was, but back home in England the drinking age was eighteen. So his mother was okay with him drinking since he’d already been drinking back in England. Of course, she still was easily worried and therefore he only drank when he had told her in advance.

Newt didn’t reply, he just groaned loudly and pulled his blanket over his head. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this bad. He couldn’t even really remember what happened last night. Did he really drink that much? “Anyway, I’m going over to Nancy’s for a cup of tea. I was going to ask you if you’d like to come, but I guess that’s a no?”

“Yup, you guess right” Newt muttered from under the blanket. Before his mother disappeared out of his room he said “I love you mum” and she said it back, then left. Newt always made sure he told his mom he loved her at least once a day. He really wanted his mother to know how much he loved her.

It was getting really hot under the blanket, so he threw the blanked of off him and slowly sat up. He knew that no matter how much you want to stay in bed when having a hangover, it never helps. The best way to cure hangover is to eat, and take a walk. At least it worked for him. As he sat in his bed he tried to decide whether or not he should unpack the last boxes. He decided that the boxes could wait.

It had been a week since Newt and his mother Rose had moved to America. The reason why they moved was because of his abusive father who had been treating him and his mother horribly over the years. When his mother finally had had enough she decided to leave her abusive husband and take Newt with her. She felt guilty for not leaving sooner and therefor she gave Newt the opportunity to choose where to move. Of course he chose to move to America because that was where his childhood best friend lived, Alby. Alby was born in America, but his father was a businessman and got a job in London when Alby was four years old, so they moved to England. Alby had been Newt’s best friend since the first day of school. They did everything together, and even though they argued sometimes they always became friends quickly. At the age of 15 Alby’s parents decided to move back to America. Newt, who didn’t have many other friends, took it very hard. Despite the distance and time difference they still remained close. There was no way Newt would let go of such a good friend. They skyped often, and visited each other over the summers.

Nancy, Alby’s mother was also a close friend to Newt’s mother. So when Newt said he wanted to move to America Nancy gladly helped them find a house and a job for his mother. Newt was happy to be reunited with his best friend. He’d gone through a lot of things without Alby. His first heartbreak, depression, his abusive father, and a lot of other things.  And now he was more than happy to have his friend back.

After a while Newt slowly made his way to the kitchen, he had to eat something. He slowly walked over to the cupboard to get a bowl, then over to the fridge to get some milk. While he poured the milk into the bowl last night’s memories came flashing back. Thomas. That was the name of the attractive guy he’d targeted. He remembered everything, the closeness in the closet, the other guy’s shaky breath, and the confusion in those brown eyes. Newt laughed quietly, he already knew that in a matter of time he’d have that poor boy wrapped around his finger.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 5. Also I'd like to share something with you guys. I have dyslexia. It's not really bad, but it's still affecting me and my writing. Therefor I always go through my works hundreds of times. But there's still some mistakes slipping through. I just felt like I had to get that off my chest because I've felt very insecure about my writing lately. Anyway, thank you all so much! And I hope you like it! <3 // Jennifer Here

Thomas had just stepped out of the shower and was standing in front of the big mirror on his closet. He took a deep breath and opened the closet to pick his outfit for the day, blue jeans and a white shirt would do. After he got dressed he ran down the stairs to get to the kitchen to get something to eat before he had to leave for school. In the Kitchen he found his mother drinking a cup of coffee at the counter.

“Good morning Thomas” she said smiling as she walked over to the other side of the kitchen grabbing an apple. “Could you please drive Chuck to school? I’m in a bit of hurry”

“Good morning mom, and of course” Thomas said as he made his way over to the fridge to get something to eat.

“Thank you” she said and kissed his forehead. “Have to go. See you later” she said and grabbed her handbag and disappeared through the front door. Thomas felt a bit sorry for his mother. She’d been so stressed up lately. He knew that something was up, but every time he asked his mother about it she always changed topic.

His mother, Jane, was a very busy woman. She always had a lot of things going on, and never seemed to take a break. Being a single mother was hard, Thomas knew that. He wanted his mother to be healthy and happy, and working that hard every day was not good for anyone. Thomas used to have a job so he could help support his family, but lost his job a few weeks ago due to the company’s financial crisis. He wanted to find another job after that, but Jane said that she wanted him to focus on his studies instead. Thomas knew that was just an excuse, because he already had really good grades. She just wanted to make sure his last few months of high school would be amazing with no worries about a part time job. He really appreciated his mother for wanting that, but at the same time, how could he not get a job when he saw his mother tired with stress written all over her face every day. He would find a job so he could help his mother, whether she approves or not.

He quickly finished his breakfast. He’d never really liked breakfast. Eating that early often made him feel sick, so he used to just grab a fruit before he left.  He looked at the clock on the wall above the fridge, 7:43, he still had a few minutes before he had to go. All of a sudden he felt really nervous, and he knew exactly why. What if he’d run into that guy? The guy with sand blonde hair and dark, brown, dreamy eyes. He mentally slapped himself. What was his problem? Why couldn’t he stop thinking of that guy? Thomas kept asking himself questions he had no answer to. He’d never been like this before, except for over his ex, Keith. And he didn’t want to think of either of them. With a frustrated groan he threw himself on the couch, head first.

“Someone seems excited” Thomas rolled over onto his back and saw his younger brother, Chuck, starring down at him. “I hate to interrupt your pity party, but time’s ticking. You have to drive me to school now” he said as he held onto his green backpack.

“Yeah, of course. Go put on your shoes, I just have to go up and get my stuff” Thomas said and got up from the couch.

                                                                                                                  ***

The hours went by slowly. Every time Thomas had to go to a new class he was worried about running into Newt. His paranoia made it hard for him to concentrate during classes, because he knew, when the class was over he had to leave the safe classroom and get out in the school corridors surrounded by students. And one of those students could be Newt, and he really didn’t feel like facing that guy just yet.

During lunch his nervousness was even worse. The dining hall was huge, and he knew Newt was most likely to be there at the same time as he and his friends were there. Every time he saw a blonde guy his heart skipped a beat, and every time he saw that it wasn’t Newt he felt both relieved and disappointed. Why did he feel disappointed, did he really want to see Newt? Thomas told himself over and over to calm down and stop worrying so much about such a stupid little thing. But no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t let go of it.

Teresa and Brenda had asked over and over if he was okay but he kept answering “I’m just tired. Haven’t slept very well”. Both Teresa and Brenda knew there was more to it. But after a few attempts of getting some information out of him they gave up and changed the topic to something more cheerful. The whole time, Minho just sat there eating his food while watching his friends as he tried to figure out what was going on.

After lunch he had a few more classed before he could go home and be safe for the day. He currently sat in math class with Minho. Minho sat next to Thomas, doodling something on the right corner of his notebook. The classroom was quiet. Everyone was working in their math books, at least it looked like it. But Thomas could see some students texting, hiding their phones under the table, hoping the teacher wouldn’t notice. Outside the sun was shining, and by the trees moving he could tell it was a bit windy. There were a few students on the school ground, most of them were smoking. Thomas had never understood why people smoked. It was unhealthy and makes you smell bad. Who wants to smell bad? His grandmother popped up in his mind. She had been a smoker since forever, and every time he hugged her a thick smoky smell went up his nose. He had never tried it, and decided long ago to avoid things who say “kills” on its packaging.

“Hey, are you okay?” Thomas turned his attention to his friend next to him. Minho had a concerned expression on his face.

“Uh yeah?” Thomas replied confused.

“You’ve been tapping the desk with your pencil for minutes. It’s kind of annoying” Minho said as he looked down on Thomas’ hand.

“Oh” was all Thomas said as he looked down on the pencil in his hand. He hadn’t even realized he was doing it. “Sorry”. He put the pencil back down on the desk and ran his fingers through his hair tiredly.

“Hey man, what’s wrong? You’ve been acting all weird all day. You wanna take a walk? I’m sure Mr. Johnson won’t mind. It’s not like he got something important to say anyway” Minho glanced over at their math teacher in the front, who was marking tests.

“Thanks Min. But I don’t feel like it right now”. Thomas was really grateful for his friends to care this much, but sometimes he just wished they wouldn’t. Or that he would be better on hiding it.

“Okay. If you change your mind the offer is still there. You know I care, right?” Minho said and put his hand on Thomas’ shoulder. Thomas smiled at his friend. Minho normally wasn’t the kind of guy who cared that much, so when he did you knew you were important to him.

“I know man. And I’m grateful for it”

                                                                                                                        ***

The day was finally reaching its end, at least in school. Thomas only had one more class for the day. But before that he had a free period. Unfortunately, no one of his friends had a free period at the same time as him. Not that it bothered him that much though. It was a good time for him to study and finish his homework. He used to spend his free periods in the library. It was always quiet and the sight of books made him feel at home. He loved books, and read at least one book a month.

At this time the library was quite empty, there were a few students here and there, but emptier than it used to be. Thomas went back to focus on his English essay, which he finally had a topic for. Yesterday he’d almost finished it. All he had to do was go through it a few more times to make sure there were no mistakes. He always went through his works around ten times, and every time he managed to find a mistake he’d missed. That way, Thomas was never fully satisfied with something he’d written. Because he always knew he’d find a new mistake or something he wanted to change if he read it again. Since he knew that he had told himself that he was only allowed to go through his texts ten times. If he didn’t set a limit he’d never finish anything.

A black guy walking in through the doors to the library caught his attention. It was Alby. Thomas felt his heart speed up. If Alby is here, that can only mean one thing. Before Thomas had a chance to calm down a sand blonde guy came walking after Alby. And it wasn’t any sand blonde. It was Newt. Thomas quickly looked down on his laptop praying to God that Newt hadn’t seen him, and wouldn’t see him. Focusing on the laptop screen was really hard when all he wanted was to look back up and see where the guy went. But he promised himself not to. He could see someone getting closer to his table. But since he didn’t look up he couldn’t tell who it was. Using all his willpower he kept his eyes on the screen in front of him.

“Well hello there. Thomas right?” Thomas froze. He’d recognized that British accent anywhere. In that moment Thomas really wished he could just sink through the hardwood floor and disappear. Putting on his most confident face he looked up at the blonde in front of him. Met by deep brown eyes and a cocky smile, Thomas felt shaky. Mostly out of embarrassment. The look on Newt’s face said it all. He remembered. Everything. Once again Thomas mentally slapped himself and took one deep breath before speaking.

“Yeah, it’s Thomas. Can I help you?” he tried to sound unaffected, like he didn’t care. Though, he didn’t really know if it sounded as confident as he wanted it to. Judging by Newt’s surprised expression it must’ve sounded pretty confident. Thomas felt satisfied. Maybe he could play this off cool.

“Do you mind” Newt asked and glanced over at the chair on the opposite side of the table Thomas was sitting at.

“Not at all” Thomas replied and turned his attention back to his laptop. On the outside Thomas probably looked like he didn’t care, and was too busy with his school work. But on the inside he was freaking out. And he really hoped it wouldn’t show.

“So, what are you doing?” Newt curiously asked and skipped closer to Thomas. Which only made Thomas’ heart beat faster and he could swear that if Newt came any closer he would be able to hear Thomas’ beating heart.

Thomas took a deep breath. To him it was because if he didn’t do it he’d probably faint, but to Newt it came out like he got annoyed by his question. Which worked for Thomas. “I’m writing on my English essay” Thomas said, eyes still locked on his laptop. He could hear Newt laugh quietly. He looked up and met the blonde’s intense eyes. Newt was smiling. But it wasn’t cocky like before, it was genuine? “You’re kinda cute” he winked. Thomas had no idea what to say or do; he just stared at the guy in front of him. Did Newt just say he was cute? “Close your mouth, or maybe you’ll swallow a fly” Newt said, and there was the cocky smile again.

Thomas felt his cheek heat up as he quickly closed his mouth; he hadn’t realized was open, and looked away. How embarrassing. Everything was going good until now. _Fuck._ Thomas cursed loudly in his mind.

“Is that your phone?” Newt nodded towards Thomas phone on the table.

“Uh yeah?” Thomas said a bit confused.

“Okay” Newt simply replied and took the phone.

“What are you doing?” Thomas asked but Newt didn’t answer. Instead he typed something into Thomas phone with a smile on his face. When he was done he placed Thomas phone back on the table and stood up.

“It was nice to see you again. But I gotta go. Alby’s waiting for me” Newt said as he pointed at a table on the other side of the library where his friend sat studying.

“But what did you do to my phone” Thomas asked still confused.

“You’ll know soon enough, Tommy” Newt winked and turned around and walked over to his friend. There was that nickname again. Tommy. He felt the butterflies in his stomach.

He sat there at his table dumbfounded. The guy he’d tried to avoid the whole day had just walked up to him like they’ve known each other for a long time, acting like nothing. Thinking about it, it wasn’t that bad. Thomas had done quit a good job at keeping his cool. Well until Newt all of a sudden blurted out that he thought Thomas was cute. After a few minutes of calming down he was able to go back to his essay. He heard his mobile vibrate. Reaching for his phone he expected one of his friends.

**From: Newt: Thanks for your number ;)**


	6. Painful reminder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know this one is a little shorter than they usually are. BUT I've posted 3 chapters this week. I think that's pretty good right? ;) Anyway, as always, I hope you like it and please let me know what you think! // Jennifer Here

**NEWT**

After he sent the text he looked over at the table Thomas was sitting at. Waiting for a reaction. A few seconds later he saw the brown-haired guy reaching for his phone and read, hopefully, Newt’s message. Newt was expecting Thomas to glance over at him, but he didn’t. Instead he quickly typed something and put his phone back down on the table as he went back to his essay. Newt got a little disappointed by the way Thomas reacted to his text, he wanted something more. But as soon as he felt his phone in his pocked vibrate he smiled.  He reached for his phone and read the new text.

**Thomas: You could’ve just asked ;)**

With a smile attached to his face he quickly replied.

**Newt: Would you have given it to me then?**

**Thomas: Probably not.**

**Newt: Well... Good thing I didn’t ask then ;)**

To his disappointment Thomas didn’t reply to that. Instead the brown-haired was packing up his stuff and without even one peek at Newt’s direction the guy walked out of the library.

“Hey, what’s up with you and Thomas? What did you ask him?” Alby asked curiously.

“Just got his number” Newt said satisfied and waved his phone in front of his friends face.

“And he just gave it to you?” Alby asked with a confused face.

“No I actually kind of just took it” Newt said with the satisfied grin still on his lips. “And why so surprised? Why wouldn’t he give his number to me? I’m pretty charming”. Newt said winking at his friend. But Alby looked thoughtfully at his friend. “What?” Why was Alby acting so weird? He hadn’t done anything wrong; he’d just got Thomas number.

“Well that explains it. And no, he wouldn’t have given you his number if you asked” Alby said smiling teasingly. Newt pretended to get offended by Alby’s words by putting his hand on his chest and opened his mouth. “No but seriously, Newt. Leave that boy alone.” Alby said and turned his focus back on his school work.

“Why? He’s hot as fuck” Newt smiled as the guy popped up in his mind. Dark, brown messy hair. Deep, confused, brown eyes and his facial features were just perfect. And his body. Just the thought of his body made Newt want to moan, but how awkward would that be when he’s sitting in the library with his friend. He hadn’t seen Thomas shirtless, but his perfectly sculpted torso could be seen through his tight shirts. And Newt just couldn’t wait to get a taste of those abs.

“He might be. But he’d been through a nasty break up. The last thing he needs is you playing with his feelings.” Alby wasn’t joking. He looked dead serious.

“Woah woah, calm down there” Newt said putting up two protective hands in front of him. “I just wanna have some fun. Since when have you tried to stop me from that?” Confusion hitting him hard. Alby was never like this. During all their skype calls when Newt told him about a guy he was targeting Alby never tried to stop him. In fact he helped Newt come up with smooth plans.  Why was now any different?

“Since you decided to go after Thomas. We might not be close friends, but he’s my friend. And as I said, he’s been through a nasty break up. Go after someone else instead. Kay mate?” Alby said with a pleading look. Newt wanted to let it go for Alby. But unfortunately he though Thomas was too fine to let go off that easily.

“Well, then I can be his rebound. And when he’s done with me I’ll be done with him. No harm done.” Newt said defending himself.

“You should know not to play with someone’s feelings. Do I have to remind you of what happened last year?” Newt froze. It was like the time all of a sudden stood still. Everything went in slow-motion. He couldn’t even hear the people around him anymore. Everything went numb. How could Alby say that? He’d promise so many times to never bring that up. Every memory came flashing back. Newt could hardly breathe, he just stared at his friend blankly. As soon as Alby saw Newts reaction regret washed over his face and he was about to say sorry. But before he could say anything Newt spoke with no emotions visibly.

“Don’t. Ever. Bring. That. Up. Again” then he grabbed his stuff and stormed out of the library. Alby ran after him. He felt his heart beating faster and faster, his face started to heat up as tears tried to find their way down his cheeks. He had to get out of there. No way he would let anyone see him in this state.

“NEWT! STOP, PLEASE. I’M SORRY” he heard his friend yell after him. But he didn’t stop. Instead he ran into the boys’ restroom and locked himself up in one of the stalls. Once the door was locked he collapsed on the floor, hugging his knees as the tears started to fall down his warm and already wet cheeks.

He heard the door to the restroom open. “Newt, I know you’re in here. Please come out. Let me talk to you. Please?” He heard the sound of someone leaning against the door to the stall Newt was hiding in. Then he heard Alby’s voice clearer “Please…I know it was wrong of me to say what I said. I didn’t mean to. Newt please?” Alby pleaded. The desperation in his voice clear as crystal. But Newt said nothing. He just sat there. Tear after tear leaving his eyes, empty him. Leaving him even hollower than he already was. He closed his eyes and hugged his legs harder. “Newt I- please. I’ll do anything” Alby tried.

Newt opened his eyes and leaned his head back against the stall door, staring at the ceiling. “Then leave me alone” he sobbed, cursing himself for sounding so weak. He was never weak. He’d always been the strong one. But why did it hurt so much? It has been over a year. When would the pain go away?

“Newt I—“

“I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!” Newt screamed so loud he was sure the whole school heard him. But he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything anymore.

Alby didn’t reply. Instead he got up and left. When the door closed Newt closed his eyes once again, trying to block out everything. But it was hard. The pain in his chest didn’t seem to go away. And he started to feel lightheaded because of all the crying. The door to the restroom opened once again and he heard a few guys laughing and talking. He pressed his hands onto his ears. He didn’t want to hear them. He didn’t want to hear them laugh, and talk about funny things going on in their lives. Why were they allowed to be happy and not him? Why? What had he ever done to deserve all this? Hadn’t he been through enough already? It was so unfair. After what felt like forever they finally left.

After a while Newt had calmed down. He was no longer crying, the pain in his chest was gone and he wasn’t sad anymore. He was numb, he felt nothing. He stared at his right hand. Watching it as he moved it in circles in front of him. As if making sure he was real. Then reality hit him. Then the anger came. He wasn’t mad at Alby, or what happened over a year ago. He was angry at himself. For being so weak, for breaking his own promise and let himself cry over something he promised himself he’d never waste a tear over ever again.

He slowly got up from the hard, cold floor and unlocked the stall. He went over the sinks and looked himself in the mirror. He looked awful. His eyes were red and swollen and blue bags had started to show under his eyes. He washed his face with cold water, not really sure if it would actually help since his eyes were so swollen. But it felt good, and that was all that mattered. He reached for his phone in his pocket. He had no idea for how long he’d been in there. After Alby left he lost track of time. 15:35, he’d been in there for over an hour. Since he was already forty minutes late for his history class he decided to go home instead. It was his last class for the day anyway.

He walked out of the restroom and headed for his locker. There were only a few students in the hallways. As soon as he reached his locker he saw someone getting his things from his locker a few lockers down. He watched as the brown-haired guy put some books in the locker and took some other books and shoved down them in his schoolbag. Then when Thomas was supposed to grab a book something happened because suddenly all his books fell out of his locker. Newt smiled to himself when he heard a quiet “Shit” escape the other boy’s lips. Newt put his bag on the ground next to his locker and made his way over to Thomas. He picked up a few books and gave them to Thomas. At first Thomas didn’t see who it was, but as soon as he saw that it was Newt his eyes widened.

“Uh I- Um the books- I- uh thank you” he said and took the books Newt had picked up for him. Newt laughed quietly, he’d never met someone as nervous as Thomas. Thomas cute, nervous face quickly changed to a more confident and serious face. It amazed Newt how someone could go from cute to sexy in just a few seconds. “Stupid books. I should probably try to organize in here” He said and nodded towards his locker.

“I guess you should” Newt replied with a laugh when he saw the mess in Thomas’ locker. “I’m actually a little impressed that you succeeded in messing up that small locker that bad”

“Oh you know, natural talent” He said laughing. And put in the last book before closing his locker. “Well, I’m going home now. So I’ll see ya I guess” He said biting his lip. Causing Newt to think of things he shouldn’t when Thomas was standing right in front of him.

“Yeah me too. Just gonna grab a book” he replied and nodded towards his open locker.

“Oh okay, I’ll wait then” Thomas said.

With a smile Newt went over to his locker and quickly grabbed the book before closing it. Not saying a word they walked out of the school. Before they parted they stopped.

“We should hang out sometime” Newt said

“Maybe” Thomas replied with a smile. Then they said goodbye and Thomas went to his car and Newt walked home. And the whole way home he had a smirk on his lips. He was getting closer to what he wanted, and he knew it.


	7. I had a bad day I guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! So since school starts for me again on Monday this will be the last chapter I post before I go back to only posting Saturday (yes there will be a chapter up this Saturday). I might change to Sundays, I don't know yet. I'll let you know in the next chapter! Anyway I hope you like it, and as always tell me what you think! <3

When Thomas got home he said hello to his mother and brother who was watching tv in the living room. Then he ran upstairs and threw himself onto his big bed. “Woah” Thomas smiled to himself. He’d talked to Newt twice today without freaking out. Well, on the inside he did, but he was pretty sure he played it cool and looked confident and casual when he spoke to the blonde. The only thing he wasn’t very happy about was the fact that Newt took his number. But at the same time he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Maybe Newt wasn’t that bad after all. Thomas usually didn’t give away his number to someone he barely knew if there was more to it than just become friends, he always wanted to get to know them a little first. But Newt had told him he wasn’t gay, so maybe he just wanted to become friends. After all he’d just moved here, of course he wanted to get some new friends.

No matter how hard Thomas tried to convince himself that that was the case, the party incident kept popping up. Why had Newt stared at him that way while he was dancing? Or was it just the alcohol he’d consumed that tricked him into see what he really wanted to see? Thomas had no idea. With a frustrated groan he picked up his phone to call the only person who could help him in this situation. Teresa.

Teresa picked up almost immediately. “Hi Tom! What’s up?” 

“Well…” He scratched his neck awkwardly trying to find the right words. “NewtkindagotmynumberandIcan’tstopthinkingaboutit” Thomas blurted out. He waited for Teresa’s response, but the other side was quiet.

“All I head was Newt and a lot of rambling. Can you please say it again?” Teresa finally spoke.

Thomas felt his whole body fire up. He felt embarrassed, and he didn’t even know why. “I said” he took a deep breath “Newt kinda got my number. And I can’t stop thinking about it.” This time Thomas spoke clearly, but yet so quietly that it was almost pathetic.

“Tom, are you alright? Why did you give him your number, you never do that?” Teresa sounded worried and surprised.

Thomas didn’t really know what to say. He felt so pathetic and stupid for reacting this way. It wasn’t a big deal. So why did he make such a big deal out of it. Newt got his number, probably only so they could get to know each other a bit better and become friends. That was all.

“Tom? Are you there?” Teresa sounder really worried now.

“Yeah, yeah sorry. It’s just…” he paused for a few seconds, and then he let it all out “It’s just. I didn’t really give him my number. He kind of took it…” Teresa made a distressed sound and Thomas knew she wanted to say something. But as always, she let Thomas finish. “And I don’t know how I feel about it. I mean I think I’m just overreacting, because he probably just wants to be my friend, and that’s why he wanted my number. I talked to him after school and he seemed really nice. He wasn’t flirty in anyway, just friendly. And he told me at the party that he wasn’t gay. So ya” Thomas didn’t know what else to say. Now he just hoped Teresa would solve his problem.

“So you’re telling me that you think he just wants to be friends?”

“Well… I want to believe that but-“ Teresa interrupted him before he could even finish his sentence, which was rare.

“But you can’t stop think about the party incident and the wink in the library, right?”

“Yeah” was all he replied as he got up from his bed and nervously walked back and forth in his room.

“Maybe the wink in the library was a joke since you stared at him. And the way you described it, you probably seemed like a weirdo” He heard Teresa laugh from the other side. “And at the party, you were both very drunk. And you said you told him before we played truth or dare that you were gay. So maybe he thought it would be fun to confuse you a little. And now he just wants to become your friend because he thought you seemed nice” Thomas felt a little bit better after hearing that. It did made sense to him. But then Teresa opened her mouth again. “Or he is an asshole, who wants to confuse you for his own entertainment”

“You should’ve just shut up after the `he wants to be your friend´ part.” Thomas said biting on his nails as he felt the nervousness rushing back.

“It was a joke Tom. I think he just wants to be your friend. At least we could befriend him and see what we think. Yeah?” Thomas smiled. The fact that she said “we” instead of “you” meant a lot to him. He was so grateful to have a friend like her, someone who would stay by his side always.  

                                                                                                                     ***

Thomas sat by his desk in his room, working on his English essay. After a while he was finally done. He wasn’t supposed to hand it in until Friday, but he really liked to just get hmeworks out of the way as fast as possible. Now he didn’t have to worry about English for the rest of the week. With a satisfied hum he leaned back in his chair and stretched his arm.  He spun around in his desk chair. He wanted to do something. He deserved to do something fun since he just sat down for two hours to finish that essay.

His room was tidy and clean, so to him that was also a reason to do whatever he felt like. He got up from his chair and went over to his bookshelf that was placed next to his bed across the room. He wanted to read something, but the problem was that he had already read all his books too many times. “I need some new books man” he said to himself.

 _Knock knock._ Tomas turned his attention towards his door. “Come in” he said and made his way back to his desk chair and sat down.

The door opened and he saw his younger brother carefully step in. “Hi, you have a minute… or two?” He said staring down at his feet. _Well he’s acting weird,_ Thomas thought.

“Yeah sure, what’s wrong?” Thomas was starting to get a little worried. Chuck never acted like this. He was normally that annoying kid that just wouldn’t shut up.

Chuck closed the door behind him and walked over to Thomas’ bed and sat down. “Well…” He blushed. Thomas smiled to himself as he realized why his twelve years old brother was behaving oddly. “There’s this girl…” With every word Chuck spoke his skin was getting redder and redder, and he smaller and smaller. “…And I kind of like her. And I really wanna ask her out…” At this state Thomas thought Chuck would explode any second because of the redness. “…But I don’t know how. Like, what am I supposed to do Thomas?” his little brother asked desperately.

Thomas laughed. But not in a teasing way, it was genuine. “Well Chuck, first of all, be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Okay?” Chuck nodded eagerly “Then all you have to do is ask her. Just keep it casual, and ask if she wanna go to the movies or something. Have you talked to her before?” Thomas asked carefully. Chuck looked at Thomas like what Thomas just said was the most stupid thing to ever be said.

“Of course I’ve talked to her before. Do you really think I would ask a girl out if I’ve never spoken to her?” Chuck said sounding more offended than anyone Thomas had ever heard before.

Thomas was a little surprised by Chuck’s answer, so he didn’t really know what to say. “Well I didn’t mean to offend you. I just thought maybe that could be the case since you’re umm… twelve” Thomas said the last word very quietly.

“Yeah I’m twelve, but I’m not stupid… Like you” Chuck said laughing.

“Very funny Chuck. But seriously, it’s not that hard, all you have to do is ask” Then Thomas went on telling his brother about anything that could be good to know. He told him do’s and no’s, all based on his own experiences. Of course he stayed to things appropriate for a twelve years old kid.

They talked for about an hour, then their mother, Jane, called for dinner. Thomas thought that Chuck would be a little more quiet than normal because of their little talk. But no. he was back to normal and was speaking so fast and loud that Thomas barely understood what he said. Jane just sat there at her side of the table nodding, and pretending that she actually understood what Chuck was taking about.

After the dinner Thomas helped his mother with the dishes. “Mom?” Thomas handed over a, now clean, plate to his mother to put it back in the cupboard.

“Yes Thomas” she replied as she grabbed the plate and put it back in the cupboard.

“I’m looking for a job. I’ve already sent out my CV to a few coffee shops and such” Jane sighed and looked at her son.

“Thomas, you know I don’t want you to—“

“I know” Thomas interrupted. “But I don’t care what you think. I wanna help. And also, I’m 18 mom. I need a job. The money I get from dad every month is not enough to help you and have fun with my friends. I want a job.” Jane was just about to protest, but Thomas just kept talking. “No. Nothing you say can change my mind. I’m going to help you, whether you like it or not. Don’t make me feel like a useless kid. I’m not.” Thomas said and looked down on his feet.

“Thomas” he felt his mother’s hands on his cheeks and looks up to meet the same brown eyes as he had. “I love you, and I’m not going to stop you. I just want you to have a few months where you don’t have to worry about this kind of stuff” she said with a smile and let her hands fall down.

“I know mom. I love you too” he said and planted a kiss on her head.

“I can’t believe what happened to my little boy. You’re a man now, and I guess it’s hard to let go” a little tear made its way down her cheek. She quickly whipped it away. “Oh look what you do to your old lady” she said and playfully hit him.

Thomas just smiled at his mother. Then they went back to finish the dishes.

 

                                                                                                           ***

After the dished was done Thomas decided to take a walk. He often did that. He enjoyed taking walks alone. It gave him time to think and forget about things. He could just walk with music in his ears and leave everything behind for a few minutes.

He slowly walked down his street. The sun was setting and it was getting a little cold, but it didn’t bother Thomas. Deciding he was going to the park, he crossed the street. The park was one of Thomas’ favorite places. He’d shared so many childhood memories in this park, even his first kiss. He laughed a little when that memory popped up. Because his first kiss was with a girl. He was thirteen years old, and he and the girl, he thought he liked, walked to the park together holding hands. Then she had just kissed him, and he had never been so disappointed in his whole life. He felt nothing. But since that was his first kiss he didn’t know much. They dated for about three months, and then he broke up with her. Shortly after he realized that he was attracted to guys. It was hard for him to accept, but with Teresa by his side it was easier.

About two years later, when he was sixteen, he met a guy who was two years older than him and he fell for him hard. He finally understood what it was like to be in love and how it was supposed to feel like when you kissed someone. As every naïve sixteen years old he thought they would stay together forever. He was sure that nothing could ever break them apart. How wrong he was. Half a year later his big love left him for someone else. That was Thomas’ first heart break. He swore he would never fall in love again. But one day he ran into a guy at school. He was a year younger than Thomas, and at that moment Thomas believed at love at first sight. His name was Keith.

Thomas hugged himself as he felt the cold wind grip at him. The trees was casting shadows all over the park, it looked like something from a horror movie. The smell of grass and dirt filled his nostrils. He loved that smell, the smell of nature. Something caught his attention. Maybe a hundred feet away he saw someone sitting alone on a bench under a big oak. He couldn’t tell if it was a guy or a girl, he could only see the silhouette of a human, that was all he could make out. He took a few steps closer, he could still not see who it was but he was pretty sure it was a guy. And he was… Crying?

He stopped for a second, debating whether or not he should go and see who it was, and if he was okay. After a minute of thinking he decided to go and check on the stranger. The closer he came the more he could see. The guy had his legs pulled up to his chest and he was burying his head as he hugged his legs to make them stay in place. Thomas kept walking towards the guy. When he was twenty feet away his heart stopped. He knew who that guy was. He wanted to say something, but he was too surprised to speak a word. Why was he here? And why was he crying. He could hear the guy’s sobbing, and Thomas could feel his heart break a little. He hated when people where sad. He took a few steps closer; he was only three feet away now. But he was still not noticed.

“Newt?” the guy stiffened when he heard his name. He slowly looked up and met Thomas eyes. Even though it was dark outside Thomas could see Newt’s red and swollen eyes. It looked like he’d been out here crying for hours. Newt’s eyes widened and he quickly dried his eyes with his sweater.

“Thomas? What are you doing here?” Newt quickly stood up, trying to look casual.

“I- uh- I was just out for a walk. And I saw someone crying- uh- you. And I wanted to make sure you were okay?” Thomas spoke way too quickly, and he knew it. But he was just so shocked to find Newt out here, crying. “Are you okay?” Thomas was seriously worried. If someone sat alone in the dark crying it must be serious.

“God, this is so embarrassing” Newt said laughing as he looked away.

“Hey” Thomas said to get Newt’s attention back. “It’s not embarrassing, it’s human” Thomas felt a bit uncomfortable because he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t really hug Newt, he didn’t know him that well yet.

“I know. I just usually don’t get caught” He said laughing and wiped away another tear that escaped his brown beautiful eyes. “Seriously” he said more to himself than to Thomas.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to judge you. As I said before, it’s human” Thomas said smiling and received a smile back from the blonde. “So are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it or something” He carefully offered.

“Thanks. Yeah, I’m fine. Just had a bad day I guess” he said smiling.

Thomas went over to the bench and sat down. He looked over at Newt and gestured for him to sit down. Newt smiled at sat down next to Thomas. Thomas could barely believe how calm he was. They sat on that bench and talked for hours. They talked about everything and nothing.  After a while Thomas totally forgot about his nervousness and he was starting to feel more comfortable around the other guy. They talked and talked, not even once did Newt try to flirt in anyway. Thomas was now convinced that Newt only wanted to be friends with him. After all Newt had told him he was straight. But at the same time he felt deeply disappointed. Thomas had always been a hopeless romantic, and since the moment he laid his eyes on the blonde in the library four days ago he knew there was something with this guy. And he was terrified he would start to have feelings for the guy. He already had a crush on him.


	8. Video games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I know I was supposed to post a chapter last Saturday. But I got really sick and just couldn't finish the chapter in time. And I've been sick all week, and I still am. But at least I feel better now and I was able to finish the chapter for you guys today. I know it's not the best chapter, but I hope you like it!

It was Friday afternoon. School had already finished for Thomas and his friends for the week, but instead of going home he sat with his friends in the library, making plans for the weekend. He wasn’t really focused on his friends while they were throwing plans here and there. All he knew was that they were talking about having a bonfire or something at the beach since the weather was starting to get really warm.

At the moment all he could think of was Newt. He hadn’t really seen him since he found him crying in the park. Three days ago. He’d seen him quickly in the corridors a few times when he was running to his next class. So he never really had time to say more than a quick “hi” before they parted ways. The brunette couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, he wanted to get to know this guy a little better. After their long talk in the park Thomas felt more comfortable with the guy. Even though they didn’t really had the chance to talk in school they had been texting quiet a lot, every night to be more precise. Thomas had also noticed something new about the Newt that week. He had a limp.

“Well, I can’t tonight. Because I’m busy” Brenda said with a suspicious smile.

“What are you gonna do?” Teresa said curiously.

“Ben is taking me out on dinner!” she said jumping up and down in her chair.

“Oh my god Brenda!” Teresa said as she started jumping up and down in her chair as well.

Minho just looked over at Thomas and mouthed “girls” with a grin. Thomas just smiled and shook his head.

“What about Saturday? We could ask Alby and his friends too.” Minho suggested.

“Yeah, I really liked Harriet. She’s cool. But we should probably ask them now because it’s Saturday tomorrow” Teresa said and picked up her phone “I’ll text them now”

“Good” he said nodding “And you should bring Ben” Minho said to Brenda.

“Well, if the date turns into shit I won’t” she said laughing.

Thomas wasn’t really a part of the conversation, he just sat there listening and smiling to his friends. He liked to just listen to them talk sometimes without actually being a part of it. Then his thoughts went back to Newt, because if Alby would be there tomorrow, then so would Newt, hopefully.  

                                                                                                           ***

**NEWT**

After school Newt went to meet his new psychologist. He knew this new one wouldn’t be the same as Mrs. Davis he had back in England. She was always humble and made him feel like she really cared. Like it wasn’t just a job, it felt genuine and real.

Newt didn’t want to go to someone else once they had moved to America, but his mother really wanted him to. Therefore he had promised his mother that he would give it a try. But he felt skeptical.

He sat in a small white waiting room. There were a few paintings on the walls and a plant of some sort placed on the reception desk. Behind the desk sat an older woman typing on the computer in front of her. Occasionally she raised her gaze to take a quick look around the room before her eyes returned to the screen. Newt looked around, across the room sat a younger man, probably in his early thirties, reading a newspaper. A few feet from him sat an older lady nervously tapping her fingers on her lap. It was quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of the receptionist typing on the keyboard.

Newt felt extremely uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat, trying to feel more comfortable. But he didn’t. He tried to read a magazine that was thrown on the table in front of him. No matter how hard he tried to focus he kept getting distracted by the old lady in front of him tapping her fingers. He put the magazine back on the table and closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. In. Out. In and out. But it didn’t help. He opened his eyes and looked around the small room. It was like the walls was getting closer and closer. The sound of fingers typing got louder and louder. It was getting excruciating. He had to get out of there. He was just about to stand up and run out of there when he heard his name.

“Newt Isaacs?” He turned around and saw a small Asian woman. She was dressed in soft colors and wore glasses. She looked really young, and couldn’t be older than thirty, maybe even younger. Newt took a few steps closer. “Hi Newt, I’m Sophie Smith, nice to meet you” she said with a genuine smile and shook his hand.

“Hi, nice to meet you Ms. Smith” Newt replied politely.

“You can call me Sophie” she smiled “Follow me” Newt followed her through a long corridor, until she stopped in front of a door with her name printed on a small sign.  She opened the door and gestured for him to go in. Carefully he stepped into the room. The walls were pained in a light purple color, on the windowsill there were a few flowers.  In front of the window was a desk, and in the middle of the room a small table with a few candles on, and two armchairs on either side. “Please, take a seat” Sophie said.

Newt sat down in the armchair closest to where he stood. He put his hands in his lap and curiously looked around the small homey room. Sophia went over her desk and grabbed a folder; Newt already knew that that folder contained all the notes and documents that had been written by Mrs. Davis and sent to Sophie.

“So…” she said and took a seat in the armchair in front of Newt. “How are you?” she smiled and put the folder in her lap.

“I’m fine thanks, how are you?” Newt simply replied.

She smiled at him “Glad to hear, and I’m good thank you.” She looked down on the folder in her lap and then back up at Newt again “So, I’ve carefully studied the papers Mrs. Davis sent me. So there’s no need for you to tell me everything you’ve already told her. I know that some things are hard to talk about. Especially when it’s with someone knew. So you can rely on that I already know, and hopefully we can start of where you and Mrs. Davis left off.” Her voice was soft and calming.

Newt didn’t really know how to reply to that, so he just smiled. It did feel good that he didn’t have to start over. It took him month before he started opening up to Mrs. Davis, and if Sophie already knew most of it he didn’t have to go through it again.

Sophie opened her folder. “I just need to ask you a few questions. There are a few answers missing in my papers. Is that okay?” she asked with a friendly smile.

“Yes” he replied.

“Are you still on your medication?” Newt nodded. Sophie made a small note in her papers. “For how long have you been on medication?”

Newt had to think before he answered “About three years now” he said quietly.

“Has it always been Maprotiline? Or you’ve had something else?”

“Uhh… I’ve only been on Maprotiline for about five month when I was diagnosed with anxiety as well. Before that it was Trazodone.”

“Thank you Newt, that was all I had to ask about.” She said and went over to her desk to put the folder back. Then she sat down in the armchair again, smiling. “Since this is the first time we meet, I feel like we should get to know each other a little to make it more comfortable for you. Does that sound okay?”

Newt smiled “Yes”

Newt immediately felt relaxed. His new psychologist seemed sweet and friendly. And he was happy that she didn’t made him talk right away.

                                                                                                                 ***

**THOMAS**

Thomas sat in his room listening to music and read a book when he heard that his phone received a text message. He put down the book he was reading and reached for his phone, he already knew it was Teresa. She probably wanted to do something. He opened the text. His heart started to beat faster and heat rushed through his veins. It wasn’t Teresa.

**Newt: Hi. What’s up?**

Thomas quickly sat up in his bed. With a huge smile on his lips he replied.

**Thomas: Reading a book. Wbu?**

A few seconds later he got a reply.

**Newt: Nothing. Wanna hang out?**

Newt wanted to hang out. Thomas had to take a few seconds before replying.

**Thomas: Yeah sure.**

**Newt: Cool. Can I come to your place? Haven’t finished unpacking my boxes yet.**

**Thomas: Yeah sure. Just give me 30 mins** **J**

Thomas gave him his address and turned off the music. Thomas smiled to himself. He had been thinking about Newt all week, and now he’d finally get the chance to spend some time with him. He decided to take a quick shower because he felt dirty since he’d helped his mother cleaning earlier.

He went to his bathroom and locked the door behind him before he stripped down. Then he turned on the water. Thomas loved showers, he was that kind of person who could shower for hours. He loved the feeling of the warm water running down his body. He stood there, enjoying his shower for a while, then realized that Newt would be here soon. He quickly finished his shower and turned off the water and grabbed a towel. Then opened the door back to his bedroom and was met by the cool air in his room.

Quickly he glanced at the clock on the wall next to his desk, Newt will be here soon. He walked over to his closet and picked a white t-shirt, a black and red flannel, black jeans, and of course, some clean boxer briefs. He put on socks, briefs and his jeans, then he remembered he forgot his deodorant and perfume. Before he put on his t-shirt he went back to his bathroom to put on some deodorant and perfume. Knock _knock!_ “Come in!” Thomas yelled as he put back his perfume and headed back into his room.

He expected to see his mother or Chuck in his room, telling him that Newt was here. But instead he met the brown eyes that belonged to the sand blonde guy named Newt. “Uh, hi” Newt said with wide eyes. He was leaning against the wall next to the door.

“Hi” Thomas replied awkwardly and looked down on his bare chest. When Thomas looked back up at the blonde he saw Newt biting his lip as his eyes was glued to his upper body. He felt his cheeks heat up, his face probably had the color of a tomato. Quickly he grabbed his t-shirt and put it on.

“Awe, why did you do that? I was enjoying the view over here” Newt said pouting. This only caused Thomas to turn into an even deeper shade of red. “What’s that Tommy? Are you blushing?” Newt said laughing. But it wasn’t a teasing laugh, it was friendly, cute even.

“Shut up” he managed to say and looked away. Why did Newt said that? This only confused Thomas even more. _Was it a joke? Was he flirting? He’s not even gay… right? Oh god Thomas calm down!_ Thomas tried to stop all his thoughts, but it was nearly impossible. Newt, the most attractive guy he had ever met, just casually said he enjoyed watching Thomas naked upper body. How was he supposed to stay calm? It was probably a joke, but still. And the lip biting, and that nickname. It was a total turn on.

Once he’d managed to calm down a little he turned his face back to Newt. The other guy still had a satisfied smile on his lips. “So you enjoyed the view of my abs? I thought you said you weren’t gay?” Thomas surprised himself with how confident he sounded.

Newt’s smile widened. He took a few steps closer. “Well guess what?” He leaned in closer to Thomas’ ear and whispered “I lied”. Newt made Thomas extremely nervous, but this time he wasn’t going to be the one who felt stupid and confused. So he did what first came to his mind. He pushed Newt up against the wall. Newt let out a surprised groan when his back collided with the wall behind him. Thomas saw the confusion and surprise in Newt’s eyes, but he quickly covered it up with a smirk. “So you are gay after all huh?” Thomas said smiling.

“Oh I’m gay as fuck” Newt said biting his lower lip.

Thomas leaned closer to Newt’s ear, just like Newt had done to him. “Oh I knew that all along” at this moment Thomas had lost all sense of control. Newt made him forget about his innocent side, and his shameless side showed instead. He pressed his lips against Newt’s neck, slowly working his tongue on the blonde’s neck, trying to find his sweet spot. Newt flung his head back and moaned, telling Thomas he’d just found it.

Then suddenly they heard a loud knock on the door. Thomas moved away from Newt and went over to his door and opened it. It was his mother.

“Hi boys. I just thought you might wanted some snacks” she said smiling holding a tray with some snacks and two cans of Fanta.

“Awe thank you mom, I love you” Thomas said and kissed her forehead and took the tray.

“Well I’ll leave you two alone now. Bye” She said with a smile and walked away.

“Bye” Thomas and Newt said at the same time.

Thomas closed the door and went over to his desk and put the tray down. Newt still stood at the same place. Thomas he could tell he’d managed to surprise the blonde, because he still hadn’t said anything. He felt satisfied “I guess the table has been turned. How does it feel?” he said teasingly.

“Shut it shuckface” Newt laughed nervously “Anyway, what do you wanna do? Do you have any games or something?”

“Yeah, I’ve got an Xbox. The games are over there” he said pointing at the bookshelf.

“Awesome” Newt said and went over to the bookshelf to pick out a few cool games.

                                                                                                      ***

They had been playing video games and talking for hours. Thomas looked at the clock. “Woah it’s already two am”

“Oh is it? I should probably go home” Newt said laughing.

“Yeah I guess” Thomas couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. Then he remembered about the bonfire. “Hey Newt, are you coming to the bonfire down at the beach tomorrow?”

“Oh yeah, almost forgot about that. If you’ll be there I’ll definitely be there” He said with a wink.

“Oh yeah?” Thomas smirked.

“Oh yeah” Newt said smiling.

Thomas followed the blonde to the door and said goodbye. Then he went back up to get ready for sleep.

After he had brushed his teeth and he took off his clothes and went over to his bed. That night Thomas fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	9. Chillin by the fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I've decided to change days. I will now post chapters on Sundays. Because I'm almost busy every Saturday, so I feel like Sundays are better! Anyway, please please comment and tell me what you think? I would really mean the world to me, since now I don't really know what you guys really think about this fanfiction. And ofc I want to know if there's anything I can do to make it better. Anyway, I hope you like it!

**THOMAS**

The rays of sunlight combined with the sound of birds chirping woke Thomas the next morning. Carefully he opened his tired eyes, adjusting to the light peeking through his windows into his bedroom. He stretched his arms and rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillows, trying to hide from the sun’s strong light. Realizing the pillows didn’t do the job, the brunette pulled his duvet over his head. A soft sound of satisfaction escaped his lips when the darkness embraced him. Closing his eyes he tried to fall back to sleep, only to be interrupted by his own thoughts. _“Oh I’m gay as fuck”_. That was what Newt had said, and then Thomas had pushed the blonde up against the wall kissing his sweet neck. Then they had talked for hours, telling each other silly things, joked and laughed. A wide smile spread across Thomas face as he slowly removed the duvet from his face. There was this tingling, strange feeling of excitement in his stomach. The feeling you get when you’ve got a crush on someone. He had only known Newt for a little over a week, but he couldn’t help himself. A hopeless romantic such as himself only needed a few days to crush on someone. Both a blessing and a curse. Just the thought of the other boy filled his entire body with excitement, and hopefully the feelings were mutual.

Thomas knew there was no chance he would fall back to sleep now, so he reached for his phone that was lying on his nightstand to check the clock. 10:23. He decided to stay in bed a few more minutes before he went downstairs to the rest of his family.

 He was met by a “Good morning love” when he entered the kitchen. Jane was sitting by the kitchen island reading a newspaper while drinking a cup of coffee. You could tell she had been up for a few hours already. She was wearing a light makeup and a navy blue dress, her brown hair pulled up in a tight ponytail.

“Morning mom. Looking beautiful, going somewhere?” Jane put down the newspaper she was reading and smiled “Thank you sweetheart. Yeah, I’m going to meet up with Maria. Probably for a coffee or something, haven’t seen her in ages” Maria was his mother’s childhood best friend. But recently they’ve both been very busy, and haven’t had time to meet up as often as they used to. “That sounds nice. You have to say hello from me”. Thomas had always liked Maria. When he was a toddler he loved to be over at her place because she had a dog, and Thomas loved dogs.

“Oh I will” she smiled. “There are pancakes in the fridge if you want some. I made some for Chuck earlier” she added. Thomas opened the fridge and saw a huge stack of pancakes. He turned around and looked at his mother “Mom, I don’t think I say this enough. But you are the best, I love you”. She laughed softly “I love you too my son”

                                                                                                          ***

“She said yes!” Thomas almost fell of his chair in shock. “Oh sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Oops?” Thomas put his hand on his chest, trying to recover from his minor heart attack. “Chuck, are you trying to kill me?” he said laughing as he turned around in his chair. His younger brother just laughed and sat down on the bed. Chuck’s cheeks were red of excitement, which caused Thomas’ smile to grow even wider. “So tell me about this girl. And when’s the date?” Thomas couldn’t remember last time he’d seen his little brother this excited. “Oh Thomas she’s amazing” the redness on the younger boy’s cheeks turned into a darker shade. “Her name is Sophie, and she’s in my history class. And I don’t know, I think she’s the one” Chuck looked down on his hands in embarrassment. Thomas laughed quietly. “Woah, woah, take it easy man, you’re twelve”.

“What do you mean?” his smile had faded and was now replaced by a sad, almost hurt, expression. With a careful smile Thomas got up from his chair by the desk and went over to the bed where his brother was sitting. Chuck watched him as he sat down next to him. “What I mean is that saying she’s the one so soon can make more harm than good” he remembered how naïve he’d been the first time he’d fallen in love. “When you fall in love for the first time you always think that that person is the one. That you’ll never met someone else like that person, and that you will stay together forever.” Once again old memories from his first love flashed in his mind. “I’m not saying there’s no way you’ll stay together. There’s people who has been together since they were as young as you. I just want you to take it slow, because no matter how much you hate to hear it-“. He didn’t have to finish his sentence, Chuck did it for him “I’m only twelve. I know” Thomas looked down at his little brother “Hey” he got Chuck’s attention “I didn’t mean to bring you down. I just don’t want you to move too fast and get hurt you now?” Chuck nodded. “So, where and when?” the kid smiled again and told Thomas everything.

                                                                                                          ***

Thomas had arrived to the place where the bonfire was going to be held. Teresa had decided at the lake, which was perfect. There was a small beach, which was perfect for the bonfire. Also it was far away from anything that could ruin the spirit, since the lake was placed in the forest. Since it was warm, but not warm enough to swim in the lake, there was never much people around at this time of the year. Therefore, it was the ultimate place for something like this. It was only 5pm, and they weren’t supposed to meet up until 6pm. But Teresa wanted to make sure everything was perfect, so of course she made Thomas and Minho help her. Brenda who was with Ben would show up a little later because they had to do a few things before they could come.

After a while everything was fixed, and everyone had arrived. They all sat around the huge fire. Everything was perfect. The sky was cloudless and there were only a few people on the beach looking for pebbles or something. But they would probably soon leave since it was starting to get a little darker.  Teresa had managed to get her dad to buy us a few beers, nothing too strong, just something for the sake of it. There were also blankets to sit on and one to each person in case it would get colder later. Minho had of course brought a guitar with him. He always said that a bonfire without a guitar was like car without an engine, pointless.

Minho was playing the guitar and Sonya was singing. Sonya’s voice was soft; she had one of those voices you could fall asleep to. Next to Minho Teresa sat admiring her boyfriend’s fingers every move. Brenda and Ben had just showed up, and judging by their sweet ways with each other, their date went more than well.

“Harriet, can you pass me a beer?” Minho asked. Harriet who was sitting next to all the beers passed one over to Minho. “Thanks” he smiled. “No problem” she smiled back.

Everything was perfect, Thomas couldn’t wish for a more perfect evening with his friends. The sky was still blue, and it was at least 20o c (68of). Minho kept playing for a while, some songs Sonya sung by herself, and some we all joined in. No one had a voice as good as Sonya’s though. Newt also played a few songs, surprising Thomas who had no idea that the blonde could play the guitar. Thomas found it extremely attractive when guys could play guitar. And Newt was more than just good, he was amazingly good. He admired how fast his fingers could work the guitar, and every tone created by his every stroke over the strings. When he was done everyone was clapping. “Wow, you’re even better than me. I don’t know if I like it” Minho said laughing jokingly. “Nah, you’re very good yourself” Newt said smiling handing back the guitar to Minho who placed in behind him.

“That was really good Newt” Thomas said still impressed. “Thanks Tommy” Newt replied with a quick wink. Something no one really seemed to notice. Except for Teresa, who was staring at Thomas with a smirk from across the fire. He quickly looked away, not wanting Teresa to say something out loud about it.

 “I’m sorry but I need to pee, I’ll be right back” Thomas laughed as he stood up. The others just laughed at him as he walked away, and into the trees to do what needed to be done. He could still hear the sound of his friends’ laughter from where he was.

Just as he was about to zip up his jeans he heard something. It sounded like someone stepped on twigs. Someone had been following him, and he knew exactly who it was. Turning around he found his friend standing a few feet away, crossed arms and a smile Thomas knew all too well. “Care to tell me how you and Newt got all lovey dovey all of a sudden?” Teresa smirked. Thomas felt the heat spreading across his cheeks, a feeling he’d become very familiar with lately. “What do you mean?” He knew that there was no way he would get away with this right know, but at least he could try. Right? It’s not like he didn’t want to tell her, he just didn’t know what to say. Because he wasn’t even sure himself what was actually going on between him and the blonde. Teresa let out a sarcastic laugh “Oh don’t even try Tom. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other, and I’ve noticed all the flirting. I’m not stupid. So now tell me?” Thomas hesitated. “I’m not letting you go back until you’ve told me” she laughed and smiled widely.

“Fine” he slowly ran his fingers through his brown, messy hair. “We kind of hung out yesterday-“ “Kind of?” Teresa interrupted. She almost never did, but Thomas himself heard how stupid he sounded. “Okay, we _hung out_. Nothing special, we just played video games at my place and-“ his cheeks was burning “I found out he was gay” he scratched the back of his head and stared down at the ground beneath him. “Oh. My. God. Tom!” he could hear the excitement in her every word. “How did you find out? Did you kiss him? Did he kiss you?”. Again Thomas hesitated “well, we didn’t really kiss” he spoke quietly, as if afraid someone was hiding in the bushes listening. “I kissed his neck okay. That’s it, let’s go back” he quickly blurted out and walked back to the others on the beach. He could hear Teresa laughing behind him.

“Hey where you’ve been? It doesn’t take that look to take a pee” Minho said lifting his right brow. “Nah, we just thought we heard something. Thought we’d go check it out. Turned out it was a little mouse making all the noises” Teresa lied smoothly. Thomas just nodded and everyone seemed satisfied with the lie, and went back to what they were doing.

“We should go down and feel the water. Just for fun” Alby said and stood up. Harriet who was sitting next to Alby, jumped up “Yes, good idea Alby” she smiles sweetly at him and he smiled back. “But it’s probably super cold. Where’s the fun it that?” Brenda said wrinkling her nose. “Oh don’t be like that” Ben said and playfully shoved her side. “Shut up shuckface” She said smiling and quickly pecked his lips before they stood up together. Minho and Teresa was already standing in the water splashing the cold water at each other. Sonya and Harriet ran splashing into the water and Alby walked close by laughing.

“I’m going to stay here. I don’t really feel like getting wet right now” Thomas said to Newt who was still sitting next to him by the fire. “Too bad. Because I would gladly do that to you” Thomas nearly choked on the air, causing Newt to laugh. “Shut up” he said as he felt his inside warm up. Newt just laughed, obviously satisfied with the reaction he got out of the brunette.

“Well, I’ll stay here with you. I think it’s a little chilly. And the last thing I want right now is my clothes wet.” Newt said and moved closer to the fire. Thomas got up and went over to the pile of blankets and took the biggest on he could find. Then he went back to the blonde who was watching his every move. “Here” He said as he sat down next to Newt, deliberately closer than before. “Thank you Tommy” he said with a sweet smile as he wrapped the blanket around him. He left a little opening and gestured Thomas to get in “There’s space for you too” Thomas felt his heart grow warm as he looked at the beautiful blonde next to him. With a smile he skipped closer and Newt wrapped the blanket round both of them. They just sat there for a while, quite, watching the flames dance.

“Hey, you two love birds get your asses down here” Brenda shouted from the water. “No, it’s too cold!” Thomas shouted back. “Be boring then!” Minho shouted. “I’d rather be boring than wet and cold” he shouted back earning loud boo’s from the others. Next to him the blonde was quietly laughing. The others went back to splashing water, and screaming at each other, leaving Thomas and Newt alone. Once again it was quiet, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable quiet, it was comfortable and cozy.

The sun had now completely gone down. The only light was the light coming from the fire. Thomas felt Newt’s eyes on him, and turned his head to meet Newt’s dark intense eyes. “Enjoying the view?” He said jokingly. “Very much” Newt said biting his lower lip as his gaze shifted from Thomas’ eyes to his lips. They were just about to lean in when they heard the laughter from their friends getting louder. They both turned around and saw their soaked friends stumbling back to them by the fire.

“Gah it’s freezing” Teresa said hugging herself. “Told ya” Thomas laughed, Teresa gave him the finger. Minho walked up behind Teresa and wrapped a blanked around her and they both sat down closer to the fire “Thanks babe” She kissed him. A few minutes later they were all wrapped up in blankets sitting by the fire to dry up.

                                                                                                     ***

Thomas and Newt stood outside Newt’s house. “Thank you for walking me home. You really didn’t have to. But thanks” he smiled, and Thomas entire inside warmed up. “But I wanted to” Thomas replied with a soft smile. “and there’s something else I want to do” he could feel his cheeks turning red, but he didn’t care.

“Oh really, and what is that” Newt asked teasingly and bit his lip. It was obvious he knew exactly what Thomas wanted. “This” And before he had a chance to hesitate he pushed Newt up against the wall and crashed his lips onto the blonde’s. Without hesitation Newt pulled his arms around Thomas’ neck and kissed him back hungrily. A loud groan escaped his lips when he felt Newt’s tongue carefully asking for entrance. He welcomed Newt’s warm tongue into his mouth, the bitter taste of bear still lingering. With his right hand against the wall behind Newt he tried to keep himself steady, which was almost impossible with the light-headed effect the boy had on him. Thomas felt Newt’s arms trying to pull him closer even though it was physically impossible.

They had to pull away for a few seconds to catch their breath. Thomas stared at the flushed boy in front of him. His lips were red and swollen, and his eyes were dark of lust. Before he knew it Newt had pulled him into another deep kiss. He took a few steps back and lifted Newt so the other boy could wrap his legs around Thomas. When Newt had wrapped his legs around Thomas hips, he once again slammed Newt against the wall, earning a hiss from the boy. Thomas let his tongue explored Newt’s mouth while Newt’s hands were tugging at his hair. Once again Thomas pulled away, this time to attack Newt’s neck. Marking him. “Oh Tommy” Newt moaned as Thomas found his sweet spot. This only caused Thomas to get even more turned on, and the bump in his jeans was starting to bother him.

Placing kisses from Newt’s collarbones and back to his lips. Thomas knew he had to get back home soon, but he didn’t want to stop, and the fact that Newt didn’t seem to want to stop either didn’t make it any easier. Newt made a bouncing movement which caused their lower parts to rub against each other, creating friction. “Fuck” Thomas moaned into the kiss. “I should probably go home now” Thomas said in between kissed. It required every piece of willpower to say these words, but he knew if he stayed any longer he wouldn’t be able to stop. “Please stay” Newt replied and started trailing kisses down his neck. “Fuck Newt” he moaned “You’re not making it any easier” he could hear a soft laughter “then stay”.

With every ounce of willpower in his body he pulled away from Newt and put him back down. Resting his forehead against the blonde’s, he closed his eyes. “You have no idea how much I want to. But not today” he took a step away and saw the disappointed look on the other boy’s face. All he wanted to do was close the distance between them again and forget about the fact they’ve only known each other for about a week. But even though he was a hopeless romantic, and at the moment very horny, he wanted it to feel right. Not just to get lost in the heat of a moment. “Goodnight Newt” he said and quickly kissed him once more. “Goodnight Tommy” Newt said biting his lip. Then Thomas turned around and walked down the street to his place. He looked back at Newt, who was standing outside his door, and waved before he disappeared into his house.


	10. Emotional bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a little shorter than usually... I hope it's okay! At least you'll get to know Newt a little more in this chapter. Please tell me what you think! Anyway, I hope you like it! <3

**NEWT**

“I thought you were supposed to _leave_ Thomas _alone_?” Newt laughed at the bitterness in Alby’s words. “Are you jealous or what?” Newt laughed and walked over to the chocolate section in the supermarket. Slowly scanning all the different offers of chocolate, he picked his favorite and put it in the shopping cart. “You know what I meant Newt. But I have to say, you looked at him like he was the most precious thing you’ve ever seen. Maybe you’re actually falling for him” Alby took a few chocolates and put them in the cart, watching Newt, waiting for some kind of reaction. Newt went over to the candy section “Nah, he’s just the hottest dude I’ve ever seen” he casually replied and grabbed a bag of skittles. “Like dude, his abs” pictures of Thomas’ flawless abs from the other day flashed through his mind. “Yum. That’s all I’m gonna say” he said laughing and walked over to the cashier.

Alby sighed before he followed his friend to the cashier. “What have you done to him?” Newt ignored Alby’s question and payed for their stuff. Alby had been on him about Thomas all day yesterday before they went to the bonfire, trying to convince Newt to play with someone else. Obviously Newt hadn’t listened. When he had payed he put the things in a plastic bag and walked out of the supermarket, his friend ran after him and grabbed his shoulder to stop him. “Newt, I’m being serious here. If you’re not planning on getting serious with Thomas—“ Newt groaned. “I know, I know. He had a bad break up. So? I’ll be his rebound and when he’s done with me I’ll be done with him. What’s the problem?” He was starting to get annoyed with his friend. It’s not like he’s going to kill the other boy, he just wanted to have some fun, something to keep his mind busy from all the bad thoughts trying to penetrate his mind every day.  He needed a distraction, and Thomas was the perfect distraction.

_Beep._ Newt reached for his phone in his pocket.

**Thomas: Hey. What’s up? :)**

Newt smiled “Guess who just texted me?” then he put his phone back into his pocket. He was going to reply in the car later since now he had to defend himself against his annoyed friend.

Alby groaned in frustration. “You’re impossible” he shook his head. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you: He doesn’t want you to be just a rebound Newt. I’m telling you, karma will get you someday” Newt felt his whole body heat up in anger. He took a few intimidating steps towards Alby “I don’t believe in karma” he hissed.

“Calm down Newt. You know I’m trying to help you” Alby said and put his both hands on the blonde’s shoulders, shaking him carefully. “Help me? _Help me?_ By stopping me from doing what keeps my mind distracted from all the shit?” he laughed humorlessly. “Way to help Alby wow. You deserve a round of applause” he spit the last words, like the words actually tasted as bad as they sounded.

“You’re distracting yourself in a way that will hurt other people’s feelings. How it that okay to you? There’s other ways Newt, other ways that won’t hurt anyone!” Alby was starting to lose his patience, but you could tell he was trying hard to stay calm for the sake of his friend. “Other ways you say? Like what?” He snorted disapprovingly. “Therapy? Medication maybe? Well breaking news Alby, I’ve been on both for two years. And guess what? IT DOESN’T HELP!” Alby was staring at him in shock. Newt had never told Alby the whole story, only parts of it, the other parts he wanted to forget and therefore never spoke of. “Why haven’t you told me” Alby’s voice was weak, barely a whisper. Confusion and sadness washed over his face. His eyes went from Newt’s eyes down to Newt’s leg. Newt could almost hear the sound of pieces falling into place inside of Alby’s mind.  “Your limp” Alby swallowed “It wasn’t a bike accident… Was It?”

Newt could feel the tears burning as they tried to escape his eyes, but he managed to hold them back. “Ten points to you” his voice cracked, making him sound like a boy hitting puberty. He turned around and started to walk away from his stunned friend. It was impossible to hold back his tears any longer. Tear after tear ran down his cheeks, leaving burning trails. Once again Alby ran after him and stopped him “Hey” Newt turned around and faced his friend, no longer caring if he saw him cry. “Why haven’t you told me any of this” he could hear the hurt in his friend’s every word. Why haven’t he told Alby before? Was he afraid he would judge him? Leave him? He couldn’t answer that himself. “I’m a mess Alby” this time he broke down completely, sobbing hard. “I-I I d-don’t” his sobbing made it impossible for him to speak so he gave up. Two strong arms embraced him and pulled him closer. He just stood there, crying while Alby hugged him. Newt relaxed a little and buried his face in Alby’s chest, soaking his friend’s shirt with his tears.

After minutes of just quietly standing there Alby slowly pulled away, searching for the blonde’s red and swollen eyes. “How about we go to my place and watch that movie we were talking about?” he smiled carefully. Wiping away his tears Newt nodded “Yeah” his voice was raspy from all the crying. “Come on” Alby pulled Newt with him over to his car. They both got in and they drove off.

The car ride to Alby’s place was quiet. There were hundreds of thoughts running through Newt’s mind. He wanted to tell Alby everything, making sure his friend knew how much he trusted him. It wasn’t Alby knowing that scared him, it was the fact that he had to open up completely for the first time ever. Deep down he knew Alby would never judge him or laugh at him. But how does one open up after been hiding behind walls for so long? Is it even possible? Not even his own mother knows the whole story. There’s only one person, besides himself, who knows the whole story. And that is Mrs. Davis. Someone he would probably never see again. The sudden thought of never meeting Mrs. Davis again made him a bit sad. She had helped him so much over the two years they met. It might have been her job, but it was still real to Newt. He already missed her.

Alby pulled up in the driveway and turned off the engine. His hands were still firmly placed on the steering wheel in front of him. “You know” he started off and turned his gaze over to Newt as he let his hands fall to his lap. “I’m always here for you. You can always talk to me. I _want_ you to talk to me” There was so much sadness in Alby’s eyes, making it hard for Newt to look at him. All his friend wanted to do was to understand, and to be able to make his friend understand he needed to tell him the whole story.

Newt had made up his mind. He was going to tell Alby everything no matter how hard it would be to go through the old and painful memories. So he did. He told Alby everything, how everything got worse after Alby had moved back to America. They ended up sitting in the car talking for hours. Newt cried, Alby held him. Newt kept talking despite the fact that he was crying so hard it was almost impossible for him to get the words out. Alby kept telling him that he didn’t had to say more, but he wanted to. He didn’t want to shut out Alby anymore. After their talk they went inside, watched the movie they had planned to watch and shortly after fell asleep.

**THOMAS**

For the thousands time that night Thomas checked his phone to see if he’d gotten a reply from a certain blonde. But still, nothing. It said “seen 9pm” and it was now midnight and he still hadn’t got a reply. Was Newt ignoring him or was it something else going on? What if he was angry at him for not staying last night? Didn’t Newt look a little disappointed when he decided to go home instead of spending the night with Newt? To Thomas that seemed like a believable reason for Newt to ignore him. Thomas was starting to get uneasy, he hated to feel ignored. _Calm down you idiot. He’s probably just busy. He’ll text you when he got time,_ Thomas kept telling himself over and over. But it was still bothering him.

“Seriously Tom, put your phone away. He’ll reply soon, and if not, he probably hasn’t seen it and is already asleep. He’ll reply tomorrow.” Teresa said popping a popcorn into her mouth. She was lying next to Thomas in his bed, watching some crappy horror movie.

Quickly he put his phone away, his cheeks turning a bright pink. “How did you know it was him?” he looked at his friend with a raised eyebrow. “I’m not stupid” she replied with her eyes still glued on the tv in front of them.  “Do you really want me to answer on that one?” he said mockingly. “Shut up shuckface” she said and lightly smacked him on the arm. He just laughed and bumped his shoulder playfully into her shoulder.

“It’s just that it says that he has read the text. Three hours ago” he said biting his lip. Teresa looked at her friend “oh so that’s what this is about. You think he’s ignoring you?” she said smirking. “Yes, no. I don’t know” he said groaning hopelessly. “Maybe he thought he replied but didn’t? That happens to me all the time. I think that I’ve replied to someone, then like an hour later when I’ve been waiting for a reply, I realize that I never sent the text in the first place.” She said reaching for the bowl of popcorns. “You’re probably right” he said and tried to focus on the movie.

But no matter how hard he tried not to think about it the thought kept coming back. He didn’t want Newt to be mad at him for taking it slow. They’re not even together, so Newt couldn’t expect him to stay, could he? Maybe Newt was regretting their kiss. Maybe he realized that he didn’t feel anything when they kissed. Was it only Thomas who had felt the fireworks when their lips met for the first time? Was it only Thomas who couldn’t stop thinking about the other guy? There were way too many thoughts spinning around inside Thomas mind. All of them about Newt.

“I can seriously smell the smoke coming from your hard working brain” Teresa said looking at him with a worried face. Thomas just laughed “sorry”. The movie had just ended so Thomas got up from his bed to turn off the tv. “Is it still the text that bothers you or is there something else?” Teresa said and sat up in his bed. For a few seconds Thomas debated whether or not to tell her about the kiss. He decided not to. It wasn’t really something she had to know, at least not now. “Yeah it’s still the text. But I guess what you said earlier is right. Just can’t stop thinking about it”. A wide smile spread across her face “You really like him. Don’t you?” Thomas blushed “I think so”.


	11. Sad smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. I'm sorry it's two days late... But I just didn't know what to write, and it kinda felt like my imagination died. I know this chapter is short, and tbh I'm not very happy with it. But I felt like I had to post something for you! I hope it's not too shitty.

“Tom! Wake up!” Thomas groaned as he felt the weight of his friend as she sat on top of him. He tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids were still heavy of sleepiness. “Let me sleep” he moaned in irritation and pulled his warm duvet over his head.  “No. If you don’t drag your lazy ass out of your bed I _will_ go get a glass of cold water and pour it all over you” she laughed and pulled the duvet off of  Thomas warm body. Cold air embracing his poor body, making him want to cry. Quickly he sat up in his bed, groaning dramatically. “Happy now?” Teresa just nodded with a satisfied grin. Thomas could barely keep his eye open, and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep for a few more hours. But no matter how much he wanted to sleep he had to go to school.

Yesterday Teresa and Thomas had been working on a history project together, and before they even realized it, it was midnight. So Teresa decided to sleep over. Of course they didn’t go to bed until early morning, whish explained why Thomas was so tired.

After they got dressed they went down stairs to get some breakfast. Since they were about to get late they just made some sandwiches to go. Then Thomas and Teresa quickly said good morning and good bye to Thomas’ mother and Chuck before they left for school.

*******

The day went by slowly. Every passing minute felt like hours, and every hour like eternity. He tiredly looked at his teacher, trying to follow what she was saying. Brenda sat to his left, writing down notes every now and then. On his right Teresa sat, not paying attention to what Mrs. Smith was saying. Looking around Thomas realized that Brenda was the only one who actually paid attention to their teacher. Brenda had always been a good student, straight A’s. Thomas himself was a good student, but he’d never got straight A’s, he didn’t understand how she did it. The best he’d ever gotten was 50% B’s and 50% A’s. And he’d been working hard for it. Once more he tried to focus on the words leaving Mrs. Smith’s mouth, but he couldn’t concentrate. He was too tired and his mind was busy thinking about other things. Brown, beautiful eyes, sand blonde hair, and the most perfect, yet saddest smile he’d ever seen. He’d been thinking about Newt since Saturday night. The thought that kept coming up was why he hadn’t replied to his texts. He couldn’t help but thinking that maybe Newt regretted the kiss, maybe he was avoiding him. Or maybe he got mad at Thomas for not staying to spend the night. He might be a hopeless romantic, who could fall in love with someone way too quick. But he never slept with someone until he was completely sure it would last. Even he knew that sleeping with someone if you’re not totally sure about your feelings, and after such short time, can make more harm than good.

“Isn’t that right, _Thomas_ ” Thomas snapped out of his thoughts. This time he could hear Mrs. Smith’s words clearly. “Sorry what?” He tried to sound cool, but the confusion in his words could be heard miles away. “If you maybe paid attention to my class you would know exactly what I’m talking about” She said lifting her glasses and stared at him. “Yes… I’m sorry Mrs. Smith” She just turned to the blackboard and continued.

 

When the class was over Thomas, Teresa and Brenda met with the others for lunch. During their lunch time Thomas got a phone call from one of the coffee shops he had sent a job application to a few days ago. They were interested in him and offered an interview next week for a job, of course he said yes. When he put his phone away his friend were staring curiously at him, waiting for him to tell them who it was. “So?” Teresa said impatiently. Thomas smiled as he realized that he might just got a job. “I’ve got a job interview next week”.

“Oh that’s amazing! Congrats Thomas!” Brenda said reaching over the table to hug him. “Yeah congrats man” Minho said.

*******

Thomas was sitting in the school library with Minho when Newt came up to them. Thomas was a bit surprised, since he still hadn’t talked to the boy since Saturday. Which was four days ago. He’d talked to Alby, but he didn’t say much about why Newt wasn’t in school. He just kept saying it was probably because he was sick. But there was something in his eyes, and voice that told him differently. But since Thomas didn’t want to push it any further he accepted the answer Alby gave him.

Newt was now standing in front of Thomas and Minho. “Hi Minho” he said with a friendly smile. Minho smiled and said “Hello”. Then he turned his gaze over to Thomas. Dark, brown, intense, beautiful eyes met Thomas’. He could feel the butterflies going crazy inside of his body. It was four days ago they had shared their first kiss out on the porch to Newt’s house, but Thomas could still feel it fresh on his lips.

“Hey Tommy? Can I talk to you about something?” He said quickly like he was in a hurry. Thomas looked over at Minho who just smiled and nodded “I’ll be back soon” He said and curiously followed Newt out of the library.                  

“Where we going?” Newt didn’t answer. Instead he grabbed Thomas hand and walked faster down the corridor. “Newt?” he laughed. Where were they going? And why was Newt in such rush? When they reached the end of the corridor Newt opened the door to an empty classroom. This was the same classroom he and Minho had math. Mr. Johnson’s scribbles were still on the blackboard. Which meant he’d just had a class, and was probably having lunch at the moment.

 Thomas walked in and Newt locked the door behind them. “What did you wa..” he was cut off by Newt throwing his arms around his neck and pressing his lips against his. At first he just stood there for a few seconds before he realized what was going on. As fast as the sense came back to him he put his arms around the blonde’s waist and pulled him as close as physically possible. Butterflies filled his stomach and he moaned into the kiss in satisfaction. Newt’s hands moved up to his hair and carefully pulled at it. He’d never felt such desperation in a kiss before. It was like Thomas and Newt was a married couple that had been away from each other for years, and finally got to see each other again.

Then Thomas pulled away. “What was that for?” he asked catching his breath, a confused expression on his face. “Well, I’ve had a few pretty bad days. So I guess I needed something to lighten my mood” Newt said biting his lower lip seductively. “What happened?” Thomas asked worriedly. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t relied to any of his texts. What had happened to the Blonde? Thomas remembered when he found the boy crying in the park last week. The memories of that beautiful face holding so much pain made Thomas a bit sad. The last few day’s he’d been so into his crush on the blonde that he haven’t really thought that much about the fact that he don’t really know this boy. There’s so much this beautiful boy could be hiding from him, and he knew he did. There was just something about Newt he couldn’t really understand. It’s like there’s a wall built up around him, protecting him from whatever is hurting him. Thomas had always been fascinated by human psychology, and over the past years of studying and observing human behavior, he’d learned a few things. And he just knew there was something about this guy that wasn’t right. He felt it in every bone in his body. One of the things he’d noticed about Newt was his smile. Beautiful, but behind that smile was so much pain, he could see it in his eyes. Thomas suddenly felt guilty for being so caught up in his crush that he never really thought about this.

Newt who probably saw the worry on Thomas’ face just smiled “Doesn’t matter. Just kiss me” Not wasting a second, Thomas lifted Newt and put him down on the desk behind him. Not caring about all the things on the desk that fell down to the ground. Once again their lips met in a heated kiss. This time Thomas kissed Newt back just as desperately as Newt had kissed him. He wanted to make sure that the other boy knew that he cared, and that whatever was hurting Newt, he would try his best to take it away. They might have only known each other for little over two weeks, but Thomas was head over heels, and wanted to give this boy what he deserved, to be happy. And hopefully one day they’d be more than just friends, or whatever they were. Thomas was still very confused.

Newt placed his legs around Thomas, pulling him closer. The kiss grew deeper and Thomas was savoring every second of it. Carefully he let his hands roam over the blonde’s back and sides, touching every reachable part of the boy. His hand found its way down to the hem of Newt’s shirt, slightly lifting his shirt up to reveal his soft pale skin. Newt moaned into the kiss as he felt Thomas’ hands connecting with his soft skin. Never had Thomas felt anything like this. Not even with Keith. Images of Keith popped up in his mind. Normally it would make him sad, but how could he possibly be sad when he had someone like Newt in his arms. Someone who after such short time already felt so right.

Thomas pulled away. Newt was about to protest but then he carefully placed his lips on the blonde’s neck. “Tommy” Newt moaned. That nickname was driving Thomas crazy. No one had ever called him that before. Most people called him by his name or just Tom, mostly Teresa. But hearing the blonde call him _Tommy_ felt so right. At this moment he decided that he would never let anyone else call him Tommy, ever.


	12. Dead love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! As always, I hope you like it, and please let me know what you think. Is there anything you wish I would have done differently? Tell me! <3

Weeks passed and it was getting closer and closer to graduation. The weather was also getting warmer and warmer. Thomas couldn’t be happier to so soon be done with school. He really needed at least a year to just live, and work before he would go to a collage.

Thomas got the job in the coffee shop downtown, and worked there some days after school, and some weekends. He loved the job. The coffee shop was small and cozy, and was filled with the smell of coffee. It was never stressful, and the people working there was very nice and friendly. He couldn’t wish for a better job.

 He often worked together with an older guy named Derek; he looked like he was in his early twenties. Although Thomas had Newt – or soon would- he couldn’t ignore the fact that Derek was a very attractive guy, of course not close to the blonde, but Thomas had always liked guys with dark, almost black hair and green eyes, just like Derek had. Normally Thomas would feel very nervous around a guy like him, but his mind was full of Newt so he couldn’t care less.

Derek had been working in the coffee shop for years, so he taught Thomas everything he needed to know. He was very friendly although he often looked a bit grumpy, but he was that kind of guy you need to get to know to see his happy side. In the five weeks Thomas had been working there they had gotten to know each other quite well. When Thomas met him for the first time he thought Derek was always being grumpy towards everyone and everything, well except for to the costumes. But it turned out he just didn’t really like the people in town that much. And Thomas understood, because most of the people in this small town were narrow-minded and didn’t really like things that didn’t go as expected.

Apart from starting his new job and got a new friend he’d gotten a lot closer to Newt. They spent as much time together as possible, after school, weekends, and a lot of sneaky make out sessions in empty classrooms. But it never went beyond that, Newt had tried a few times but Thomas had stopped him every time. Not that he didn’t want to, because he really wanted to. Sometimes he even surprised himself for not letting Newt go any further. But the two of them were not officially dating yet, and Thomas wanted to wait to go any further until they were officially boyfriends. Now? He didn’t even knew where they were standing, so he’d decided he would ask Newt to be his boyfriend later tonight when Newt would be coming over to watch a movie.

They’ve had a lot of movie nights lately, or just lying next to each other talking for hours. Thomas had learned a lot more about the blond these past weeks. But as he got to know a lot of new things about the boy he also noticed things he didn’t get to know. Things like why he never spoke of his dad. The only thing he ever said about his dad was that he still lived in England, and he only said that because Thomas asked. Then he quickly changed the subject, and since Thomas saw the discomfort in the blonde’s eyes he didn’t keep asking about his dad. Actually, Newt didn’t like talking about himself at all, not when it was getting too personal. One time Thomas asked about Newt’s limp, and all Newt said was that he fell off a bike when he was little. But the way he said it, and the look I his eyes made it obvious that it was just a lie. At first Thomas thought it was because they didn’t knew each other that well, and therefore Newt was uncomfortable talking about himself. But now they’ve known each other for almost three months, and he’s still hiding behind his wall of comfort.

Thomas had also noticed that Newt sometimes stayed home from school, and normally he’d just though Newt was sick. But whenever he’s home from school he never replies to Thomas texts. And sometimes it could go up to a few days without him showing up in school or replying to his texts. Every time that happened he wanted to go to Newt’s house and make sure he was okay, but he felt like he would be too clingy, and he really didn’t want Newt to think that, so he never did.

Since Thomas had noticed all those new things about the boy, he always made sure to hug Newt a little longer than he’d normally would. And always kiss him like it was their first time. Everything to make him understand how much Thomas cared, and maybe one day he would understand and open up to Thomas. But until then Thomas would make sure to do everything he could to make the blonde smile.

 

Right now Thomas was in the coffee shop, he had just ended his shift and was about to grab his stuff and leave. He looked at the clock, 6:30pm, which left him good time to go buy some things for his and Newt’s movie night. He’d learned that Newt loved fruit, but that he never could buy it on movie nights because no one of his friends wanted to have a movie night with fruit and berries. So Thomas decided he would go and buy some for tonight after he got off.

After he’d put on his jacked he walked over to Derek. “I’m off now. I’ll see you tomorrow man”

“Yeah, have a nice night with your boy” he said and winked. Of course Thomas had told him about Newt. He had probably told everyone he knew about this particular blonde.

“Oh shut it” Thomas laughed and blushed.

He left the shop and drove off to the grocery store.  With his headphones in he slowly wandered through the store grabbing a package of red grapes, and strawberries. When he walked by the chocolate section he got the idea that maybe Newt would like a chocolate fondue, so he got a few chocolates and some bananas as well.

He was standing in the fruit section grabbing a few bananas when he heard a voice say his name. His entire body froze, and for a few seconds he thought it was his mind playing a trick. He shut off the music, then he heard it again “Thomas? Is that you?” Thomas never though he would hear that voice again, and he didn’t know if he wanted to. After what felt like minutes he turned around. Before him a dark haired guy with ice blue eyes was standing looking as hesitant as Thomas was feeling. He felt a lump form in his chest, and he felt sick. It was one of these moments where you just want to scream but at the same time just break down. So many memories, so much happiness, so much pain.

“Keith?” Thomas said so quietly it was barely a whisper. He didn’t know what to say or do. For a few seconds it felt like the whole world disappeared, like the only thing existing was Thomas and Keith. Almost ten month had gone by since their break up. Ten months with no contact, he hadn’t even seen Keith on the streets, nothing. And here he was, standing right in front of him looking as beautiful as always with his brown messy curls, and blue eyes. The only difference was that he looked a little older than last time he saw him.

Memories went back to that night they broke up. Thomas felt a pain in his chest as the memory hit him. He remembered it so clearly. They were standing next to the same tree in the park where they shared their first kiss. Keith thought it would be for the best to end their relationship where they started it. They both had been crying and crying, and Thomas begged for him to not go. But no matter how hard Thomas tried to convince Keith to stay with him despite what his parents thought he didn’t. He had left Thomas there, walked way without looking back, not even once. Thomas who was too exhausted to run after him fell to the ground, where he stayed and cried all night before finally managing to get home and lock himself up in his room for days.

“Hi” Keith said awkwardly. Thomas could tell he was just as uncomfortable as he was.

“What are you doing here?”

“I just left my parents, and moved to a small apartment just around the corner” he said and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Oh okay” Thomas didn’t know what else to say. He still wasn’t even sure Keith was actually standing in front of him.

“I tried to call you a few days ago when I moved here. But you had changed your number” Thomas tried to read the expression on the boy’s face, but it was hard.

“Why?” Thomas heart started to beat faster. Why had he tried to call him? He was starting to feel sick again, all he wanted to do was to run away, he had to get out of there as soon as possible. He couldn’t even breath anymore, the air had gotten extremely thick, and he was struggling with himself to stay calm.

“I just wanted to see if you wanted to meet and maybe catch up on the past ten months.” Keith paused and looked away. Then he turned his gaze back and his eyes were full of sadness, just like they were the night they parted “I’ve missed you Thomas”. If it wouldn’t be for the fact that they were standing in the grocery store Thomas would probably break down crying. How dare he say that he missed Thomas. After leaving Thomas like that ten month ago, without even looking back, without answering the hundreds of calls and texts Thomas sent him trying to get him back. How dare he.

“I’m sorry. But I really have to go. My boyfriend is waiting for me” as soon as the word _boyfriend_ left Thomas mouth he saw the little hope in Keith eyes disappear. Thomas knew that Newt wasn’t really his boyfriend yet. At first he thought he said it to make it clear that he had someone, but then he realized that he really said it to himself. To see if he thought it felt right to say he had a boyfriend in front of someone he once though was the love of his life. Nothing had ever felt so right in his entire life. Every trace of sadness got wiped off his body, and a wide smile spread on his lips as a picture of Newt flashed through his mind. “Yeah I gotta go, Newt’s _waiting_ for _me_. Have a good evening” Then Thomas walked away, leaving a disappointed Keith behind.

Once he loved that boy more than anything, and he would have done everything to get him back. Three month ago he would probably be taking him back without hesitation. But then Newt came. The mysterious boy with sand blonde hair, dark, brown intense eyes, and a smile to die for. It was at this moment that Thomas understood that he was now completely over Keith, and had only eyes for Newt. And tonight he would do it. He would finally ask Newt to become his boyfriend.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, I hope you like it! And as always, please tell me what you think! :)

**NEWT**

“So, you’ve been spending a lot of time with this Thomas lately.” Rose said as she popped a green grape into her mouth. Moving around to find the most comfortable position in the armchair she turned her gaze towards Newt who had just told his mother about his plans for tonight. “When are you going to let me meet him properly? He seems like a sweet guy.” She smiled.

Newt didn’t know how to answer that question. Did he even want his mother to meet Thomas? He’d never let any of his “distractions” meet his mother before. What was the point of introducing someone he would only hold onto for a few weeks, or months, depending on how fast he got bored with them, anyway? _But will I ever get bored of Thomas?_ No matter how hard Newt tried to, he couldn’t deny that he had some sort of growing feelings towards the brunette. Feelings he’d never thought he would ever feel again.

It wasn’t just Thomas looks and words that made him feel this way. It was more than that, like the way he always hugged Newt. So gently, like Newt was the most fragile object in the world. Each hug containing so much more than what it seemed like to anyone watching. No one around them would ever understand the desperation in Thomas’ hugs. It was like Thomas knew everything that had happened in Newt’s past, and tried to tell him everything was going to be okay. And this squeeze every time Thomas was about to end the hug. A squeeze that told him that Thomas really didn’t want to end the hug but had to.

Then there were Thomas’ kisses. Newt felt his heart speed up as thoughts about Thomas’ soft lips pressed against his own went through his mind. Just like Thomas’ affectionate hugs, his kisses held so much more than he ever said.

“Newt! Are you blushing!?” Newt quickly snapped back to reality.

“N-no, pft.” The smile on his mother’s face told him she didn’t believe him.

“Well now I really wanna meet him. Are you dating or something” Rose was looking way too excited, making Newt feel extremely uncomfortable.

“Mom” He warned “we’re not dating. He’s just a friend, and that’s all. Now if you excuse me I’m leaving to go to my _friend’s_ house” He said and got up from the sofa.

“Whatever you say darling. Have fun. Drive safe, I love you”

Newt walked over to his mother “I love you too” he said and kissed her forehead before he went to put his jacket on and took his mother’s car keys and left the house.

The sun had begun to set, coloring the sky in orange-red shapes as the day’s last sun rays peaked through the branches of the trees in the park across the street. Newt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the smell of summer filling his nostrils. It was only a few weeks left of school, graduation was closing in and Newt couldn’t be more excited to be finished with high school. He didn’t really have any plans for what to do after; he’d probably just keep working in the clothing store he’d been working in for the past weeks. He liked it there and had become good friends with a girl named Sarah. She was a few years older, but they still got along really well.

When Newt arrived at Thomas’ house Jane and Chuck just came out the door. “Oh hello Newt! Nice to see you” Jane said with a huge smile on her lips as she walked over to Newt and quickly gave him a hug.

Newt hugged her back “Nice to see you too Ms. Edison”

“Oh please call me Jane sweetheart” She said with a friendly laugh.

Behind her Chuck waved “Hi, I hope you’ll have a nice time tonight. Thomas have been running around the house like crazy for the past two hours trying to get everything perfect” He laughed as he walked over to their car and got in.

“Have fun you too” Jane said before she got in the car, and with a last friendly smile they drove out of the drive way.

Had Thomas really been preparing for about two hours? What was he even doing? Wasn’t it just supposed to be a regular movie night? With a frown Newt knocked on the door. About twenty seconds passed. _Maybe he didn’t her me_. Newt was just about to knock again when he heard a loud thump from the other side of the door. Seconds later a flustered Thomas opened the door. “Hi, come in” he said and moved aside.

Newt walked in and Thomas closed the door behind them. “Did you fall or something?” Newt asked laughing as he turned his attention to Thomas.

“Uhhh, yes. Nooo?” Newt laughed quietly to himself. Three months and Thomas still had these moments where he was so nervous around the blonde. And Newt loved it.

“Well, whatever. Follow me” Thomas said and grabbed Newt’s hand. Thomas hand was soft and the electricity between them made Newt’s heart jump in his chest.

Thomas lead them towards the living room. Normally they would watch movies in Thomas bed room but Newt guessed that since Jane and Chuck wouldn’t be here, Thomas wanted them to be down here instead.

When they entered the living room Newt’s eyes widened and he let go of Thomas’ hand. Thomas had lit at least ten, or more, candles, and on the table in front of the sofa was five bowls with different fruits and berries. To top it off there was a small chocolate fountain in the middle. _He remembered_. Newt just stood there for a while staring at the perfect scene in front of him. He wanted to turn around and throw himself in Thomas’ arms and kiss him, but at the same time he felt sick. Did he even deserve all this?

Behind him he could hear Thomas nervously fiddling with something he had in his hands. “Is it too much?” The insecurity in Thomas’ voice was tearing at Newt’s heart.

Newt turned around and met Thomas’ nervous gaze. “It’s perfect” he smiled “I can’t believe you did all this. And that you remembered that I love fruit” Newt looked away as he felt his cheeks grow warm. No one had ever done anything like this for him before. Maybe it wasn’t much in some people’s eyes. But to Newt it meant a lot. What was this boy doing to him? He never felt like this around anyone.

He felt Thomas’ hand on his chin, slowly turning Newt’s face towards him. Newt met the brunette’s deep, brown eyes. He couldn’t even keep count on how many times he’d found himself drowning in these beautiful eyes. “Of course I remembered” Thomas’ eyes moved down to Newt’s lips. Newt felt this tingling feeling in his stomach that he’s been feeling lately around Thomas. It kind of made him feel sick, but in a good way. The best way possible.

Newt was the one to close the gap between them. The blonde couldn’t imagine ever getting tired of Thomas soft, loving, lips. Slowly he put his arms around Thomas’ neck, trying to get as close as physically possible, making the other boy smile into their kiss. Thomas carefully placed his hands on Newt’s waist, sending electricity up Newt’s spine. It was so easy to forget about everything and just get lost in Thomas’ sweet kisses. So easy it sometimes scared Newt. When did Newt become so weak?

Thomas pulled away only to carefully pull Newt down with him onto the couch. A quiet groan escaped Newt’s mouth as his back connected with the couch underneath him. Thomas carefully lowered himself on top of Newt, as if afraid that he would hurt Newt or something. But the blonde was too eager and pulled Thomas down into a heated kiss. Their kiss was gentle, yet full of desperation as their tongues danced together. Moaning into the kiss, Newt wrapped his legs around Thomas’ waist. Earning a groan of pleasure from the brunette.

Newt placed one hand in Thomas’ hair, slightly tugging at it, and one hand on his back. He could feel Thomas’ hard back muscles through the fabric of his t-shirt, and all Newt wanted to do was take that stupid shirt of off Thomas so he could feel the skin-to-skin connection he’d been yearning for. He moved his hands down to the hem of Thomas’ t-shirt and slightly pulled at it. To his surprise Thomas pulled away to quickly pull off his shirt, he’d never done that before. As Thomas threw the shirt on the floor Newt could see his muscles working. “Oh god, Thomas” Newt moaned at the sight.

“Like what you see?” Thomas said with a flirty grin. Newt bit his lip as he let his eyes travel over Thomas’ well shaped upper body. Never had he seen someone with more perfect sculpted muscles, it almost looked like he was photoshoped. Which kind of made him feel insecure about his own body. But at the moment he couldn’t care less, because this perfect human being was with him, and no one else.  “Very much so” Newt said as their eyes met once again. With a grin still on his face Thomas started kiss Newt’s neck, causing him to throw his head back in pleasure. Newt was starting to feel light-headed when the brunette had started to suck on his neck. It felt so good. The tightness in Newt’s jeans was really starting to bother him “Thomas, please” he moaned “I need more” he arched his back. He could feel Thomas smile against his neck. Then soft, swollen, lips found their way back to Newt’s lips.

Too soon Thomas pulled away breathlessly “Maybe later”. Newt groaned frustrated “No, now please?” he begged desperately. But Thomas just laughed “No, later” he kissed Newt’s neck. “Why?” Newt moaned. “Because it would be a total waste not to enjoy all this fruit” he said smiling.

Newt had totally forgotten about all the delicious fruit and chocolate on the table “Oh… You’re right…” After everything Thomas had done for him he couldn’t just forget the fruit. With one last quick kiss they both sat up “At lease keep the shirt off, please?” Newt asked with a wink. Thomas just laughed.

Excitingly Newt turned his attention toward the various bowls of fruits and berries. He reached for a strawberry, and dipped it in the chocolate fountain before taking a bite. The sweetness of the strawberry spreading over his taste buds. He looked to his left and saw Thomas nervously biting his lip. “You okay?” Newt asked and skipped closer to the brunette.

“Yeah there’s just something I’ve wanted to ask you for a while” He replied and nervously rubbed his neck. So that was why he’d seemed so nervous before, because he wanted to ask Newt something? But what could he possibly want to ask that would make him this nervous?

Newt couldn’t figure out what the other boy wanted to ask. He tried to think of something but couldn’t. Only seconds later realization hit him hard like a wave. He knew what Thomas wanted to ask. How could he be so stupid? Before Newt had a chance to do anything Thomas opened his mouth.

“Newt, I don’t know what this between us is, so please would you be my boyfriend?” Thomas said carefully smiling.

Newt just sat there stunned. Then everything came. It was like he’d been asleep for weeks and finally woke up. How could he let himself get carried away like this, to fall in love with someone? He couldn’t be Thomas’ boyfriend, he was never anyone’s boyfriend. He would only get hurt. He shouldn’t have stayed for so long, he shouldn’t have let his feelings take control over his actions. It was getting hard for Newt to breath, he had to get out of there, away from Thomas.

Thomas had already noticed that something was up “Newt? Are you okay?” he looked worried. Newt quickly stood up. He felt his eyes tear up “This was a mistake” he couldn’t bear to look at Thomas any longer. The sadness and confusion in Thomas eyes made Newt sick to his stomach.

“What?” Thomas said, his voice shaking.

“I-I said, this w-was a mistake” Newt swallowed, trying to hold in his tears. And he succeeded. He closed his eyes for a second, then opened his eyes again. Thomas was standing in front of him with tears in his eyes. “This was never supposed to happen” he said as calmly as he could.

“W-what do you mean not supposed to happen?” Thomas looked so small, so fragile. Newt had to remind himself that he wasn’t supposed to care, that he’d done this so many times before. “I used you! Okay!? I was never going to stay with you for more than a few weeks. I don’t know what happened, but this could never work. It was stupid of me to make you think otherwise”

Thomas didn’t said anything, he just stood there with eyes filled with so much pain and betrayal. In a moment of weakness Newt desperately wanted to believe everything Thomas’ hugs and kisses had told him over the last couple of weeks. Maybe he was different. But he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t let himself fall into that trap again. Ever. Without any last words he turned around and walked out to the hallway to grab his jacked before he opened the door. With one last glance back he saw Thomas staring helplessly through the window into the darkness of the night. With a stabbing feeling in his heart he closed the door behind him and went over to his car and drove off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... This happened. Uhm..


	14. Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYYS IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS! I'm so sorry, but I've been really sick, and therefore had no energy to write. I'm sorry, and I hope it's okay. Anyway, I'm back, and I hope you like this chapter, it's not the best, but I did what I could in about an hour because I really wanted to upload a new chapter for you today! I haven't really had time to go over it, so for any mistakes I'm sorry. Hopefully it's not too bad! <3

**NEWT**

A soft knock on the door to Newt’s bedroom woke the teen. “Newt sweetheart?”

“No” Newt answered without hesitation. He already knew what his mother wanted, for him to get to his school. It was Monday, two weeks since he’d been in school, two weeks since he had last seen Thomas…

After that night he went straight home and locked himself up in his room, he didn’t leave nor let anyone in for the first three days. Which made his mother very worried since he had no food in his room.

One the first day his mother sat outside the door trying to talk to him, but all she could hear was his quiet cries. On the second day he said a few words, but still refused to open the door. On the third day he didn’t said a word, which made Rose extremely worried and threatened to break down the door if Newt didn’t open it. Of course he thought she wasn’t serious, but after the last warning and he still hadn’t said anything, or opened the door, an axe broke through the white wooden door. Newt, who was completely thrown off guard screamed at his mother to stop. He ran up to his door and opened it. His mother was standing right in front of him, the axe still in her hands. When her eyes met Newt’s she let go of the axe and threw her arms around the somewhat tired and weakened boy.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again” she cried as she pulled him closer to herself. “I thought you had done something stupid” she cried hysterically. The last two days he had felt numb, like he’d built up a wall to protect him from his own emotions. But as his mother pulled him into her embrace and cried, the wall broke down and let a wave of emotions wash over him in such force that he almost fell to the floor. For the first time in a while he let himself cry in front of someone. Tear after tear fell down his cheeks, it felt like he’d never stop. They stood there for about an hour, crying, embracing each other like they would never see each other again.

When Rose pulled away her eyes were red and puffy. She put her hands on Newt’s wet cheeks “I love you. My precious son” with a sad smile she kissed his forehead.

“I love you too mum”

 

Rose carefully opened the door (that still had a hole in it) and took a step inside his room. “Are you not gonna try to go to school? You’ve been home for two weeks. I think you need to meet your friends sweetie” And there it was again. That sad smile that broke Newt’s heart every time, and made him feel like the worst son ever.

“Just one more day? Please? I’ll go tomorrow?” Newt begged as he tiredly sat up in his bed.

Rose looked skeptical. After a few seconds of thinking she said “Okay, but then you have to go tomorrow. Also, you have to go to your appointment with Sophie today. You’ve already skipped it twice, she’s worried as well. And I really think you need to talk to someone since you don’t want to tell me everything” Newt just looked at his mother and nodded.

“Well, I have to go now or I will get late to work” She said and walked over to him and gave him a quick hug.

“Have a good day mum”

“You too sweetheart, and don’t forget your appointment!” Then she disappeared out the door and downstairs. 

With a loud sigh he fell back into the warmth of his bed. The word _tomorrow_ echoing in his head. Tomorrow he had to go to school, which meant he would more likely see Thomas. A sharp pain went through his heart as the memory of Thomas’ face flashed through his mind. The memory of his face that night two weeks ago. Newt clearly remembered Thomas’ brown deep eyes full of confusion and pain, and the way he’d stared into nothing as Newt left him all alone and heartbroken.

Thomas had called a few times but Newt never answered. Thomas even showed up at their doorstep a few days ago. Newt who heard his mother talk to him locked himself up in his bathroom. Thomas tried to get in but the door was locked. He stayed outside the door for hours, trying to get Newt to open the door so they could talk. But Newt never did, he never even said a word. Just when Newt was about to give up and open the door, he heard his mother tell Thomas that he should go home and get some rest. He felt relieved, because he knew that if he would have opened the door and met those brown eyes he wouldn’t be able to stay away from Thomas any longer.

Newt felt his eyelids burning as tears started to form in his eyes. He tried to think about something else, about anything. But Thomas’ face still lingered in his mind, constantly reminding him of what he did. It was all _his_ fault, he should’ve listened to Alby. Alby was right all the time, Thomas didn’t deserve all this, and he didn’t deserve Thomas.

                                                                                                 ***

“Newt?” The blonde looked up and met the friendly eyes of Sophie, his psychologist. He stood up and walked after her into her office. He entered the room and took a seat in one of the two armchairs. Sophie closed the door and took a seat in the armchair in front of the blonde.

“Hi Newt” she said with a light smile “I’ve talked a little with your mother. She is very worried about you, and so am I” Newt looked down on his shoes. “Would you like to tell me what happened?” She tried, but he still didn’t say anything. “I would really like to help you Newt, but you need to tell me something so I can help” her voice was soft and comforting.

Did he want help? Did he even deserve it? After all _he_ did this; it’s all because of _him_. How can someone deserve help if it’s his own fault? Newt just wanted to scream, scream so loud that he couldn’t feel anything anymore, scream until his lungs collapse, scream it all away. But it wasn’t that easy, and he knew it.

“I’m a failure” he said it so quietly it was barely a whisper.

“Sorry what did you say love?” Sophie said as she leaned in closer.

“I’m a failure” he said this time a little louder, still not looking at her.

“Newt, look at me” Sophie said calmly.

Newt slowly lifted his head and met Sophie’s eyes. Only then Newt realized he was crying. “You are not a failure, Newt--”

“Yes I am” he said before Sophie could say anything else. In his heart he truly believed he was the biggest failure, he failed everyone. “I fail everything and everyone” _I even failed my own suicide_. “And now I broke his heart” images of Thomas once again flashed through his mind. “I used him” He stared right at the wall in front of him, tear after tear leaving his eyes.

“Who? Your boyfriend?

Newt flinched at the word boyfriend. “No, Thom---“ he couldn’t bring himself to say his name. It used to feel so right when his name rolled off the tip of Newt’s tongue, but now it felt heavy, and like it would choke him if he said it. “Someone…” He closed his eyes for a few seconds before he decided to tell her. “He asked me to be his… Boyfriend. But I panicked and told him that my intention was only to have him as a distraction, and that we would never work out.” At the end of his sentence his voice broke. The entire time he saw Thomas’ face.

“Do you like him?” Newt nodded. “Do you know what I think?” Newt looked up at her. “I think you are scared. Scared of not being in control of the situation. When you and this boy didn’t carry the label “boyfriends” you felt in control. Because you had control over the situation, you knew that you weren’t bound to this guy. But when he asked you to be his boyfriend you wouldn’t have the same control, because you would be bound to him. And with your past still haunting you, it scares you. Losing control scares you”

                                                                                     ***

After his session with Sophie he went to a coffee shop to meet up with Alby. He hadn’t seen him in the two weeks he’d been hiding in his room. Of course he answered when Alby called or texted, he was his best friend and he knew he had to hold on to him. 

When he arrived at the coffee shop Alby was already there. He sat in a big armchair next to the windows on the right side from the door. Alby who was texting someone didn’t notice Newt until he sat down in the armchair in front of him. Quickly Alby put his phone back in his pocket and smiled “Hi Newt” he leaned over the small table to give the blonde a quick hug.

Newt looked around. The coffee shop was small and cozy, and most of the people who was there were elder people. The younger people probably hung out at Starbucks. At the counter a young guy – probably in his early twenties – was taking an older woman’s order. Even through it wasn’t really what Newt wanted to think about at the moment he couldn’t deny the guy’s attractive looks. His dark, brown, almost black hair was perfectly messy, and he had green mysterious eyes. The guy caught Newt staring, causing the blonde to turn his gaze away quickly in embarrassment. Alby just shook his head.

“How are you?” Alby’s voice was full of concern.

With a sigh Newt looked out the window for a few seconds before he turned his gaze back to Alby. “To be honest?” Newt bit hard on his lower lip “I don’t even know” letting out a sarcastic laugh he shook his head.

“Thomas has been asking about you, you know” He knew that Alby would bring this up, it was the reason they were here, wasn’t it? But still, when that name left Alby’s lips it felt like he had just been stabbed. When Newt didn’t said anything Alby continued. “He really wants to talk to you. And I think you should talk to him.” Alby put his elbows on the table and leaned in closer “You have to stop this. You’re not only hurting Thomas, but you’re also hurting yourself. And I can’t just sit here watching you hurt yourself like this.” Newt had never realized how grown up Alby looked. He was no longer that kid he was when he left England to move back here. He was now eighteen years old, still young, but so much older, and much more mature than any eighteen year old he had ever met.

When did all this happen? When did everything go so wrong? Newt had once been a happy boy, always laughing and smiling. Then just like that, everything changed. His father started drinking after his aunt died in a car crash, and from there on it escalated. His father started acting more and more abusive toward him and his mother, and a once happy boy fell into a dark depression. Then he thought he met an angel, his savior, but one does to quickly forget that the devil was once an angel.

He felt tears building up, but he fought it back, he wouldn’t let himself cry. Not now, not here where everyone could see him. But it was too late.

“Newt?” Alby’s voice was thick with worry.

Newt didn’t hear him; all the old memories came crashing down so suddenly Newt found it hard to breath. It felt like the whole coffee shop was spinning, he had to hold on to the armchair as he tried to catch his breath, and he started hyperventilate, desperate for air. Alby flew up from his armchair and put his hands on Newt’s cheeks, trying to get in contact with him. But Newt couldn’t focus on Alby, he couldn’t focus on anything. Everything was spinning and he felt a sharp pain in his chest. People around the shop was staring, some of them coming closer, talking to Alby, but Newt couldn’t make out what they were saying. It was all blurry, and the lack of oxygen made him feel lightheaded.

“SOMEONE HELP! I THINK HE’S HAVING A PANIC ATTACK!”


	15. Suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for not posting in like over a month.. But I just felt like this fanfic was really bad, and that it wasn't worth it anymore.. Also I've had really shitty few weeks, which ofc made me not feeling in the mood for writing this. But anyway here's a new chapter. It's not very good, and I haven't read through it, so sorry for any mistakes.. But i felt I should at least post something for you <3

**TERESA**

The last class for the day had just ended. Before Teresa went to grab her stuff in her locker she went outside for a quick smoke. She went to her hiding spot behind the school’s gym. But there was already someone there, she could hear their voice. She peaked around the corner to see who it was. Alby and Newt. Teresa hadn’t seen Newt in three weeks, and Alby wouldn’t tell her anything. Teresa was just about to turn around and find another place to smoke but then Alby said something that caught her curiosity.

“You have to stop keeping things from me Newt. I’m your best friend, I want to help” Teresa knew that listening in on others private conversations was against her conscience. But after what happened between Thomas and Newt, she just couldn’t stop herself from eavesdropping. She pressed her back hard against the brick wall, making sure they wouldn’t notice her.

“You can’t help me, I’m a lost cause, a failure” She couldn’t see Newt’s expression, but his voice sounded cold, almost emotionless.

“Don’t say that…”

“But it’s true Alby! I’m not the same person I was when we were kids, I’m a mental breakdown, literally. I fail at EVERYTHING!” Newt’s voice quickly changed from emotionless to furious.

Teresa started to feel bad about listening in on their conversation, but she had to know what Newt had to say. Maybe it would be something that could explain his odd behavior.

“That’s not true, I can come up with a lot of things you don’t fail at…” Alby was just about to say some examples, but Newt interrupted.

“Alby just stop, you don’t understand. No one ever understands. The universe is laughing at me, like I’m some kind of joke. I’m walking around with a stupid limp because I’m a failure who can’t even kill myself without ending up as a fucking joke! And don’t tell me it will get better if I just try, because I’ve tried for years, and I’m tired of trying. I’M TIRED OF THIS! And not only have I the bloody limp to remind me every bloody day, now I will be reminded of what a fuck up I am every time I see Thomas in school…”

Teresa could her someone sob, she didn’t had to look to know it was Newt. Carefully, not to be seen, she walked away, she had heard enough, and she had to find Thomas.

 

**THOMAS**

Thomas was picking up some books at his locker when Teresa came running towards him in a hurry. “Hey Tom, did you hear about it?” Teresa was still catching her breath as she leaned against the locker next to Thomas’.

With a confused frown Thomas closed his locker, “What are you talking about? Hear about what?”

“Newt” she gasped. Thomas felt his heard skip a beat of the sound of his name, both out of sadness and excitement. It had been two weeks without seeing or hearing anything from the boy, and it was killing him inside, but there was nothing he could do about it right now, and he knew it.

“What about him?” He all of a sudden felt nervous and worried. Had something happened to Newt? Is he okay? Or is he here?

“You remember last week when you told me that Derek told you that some kid had a pretty bad panic attack at the coffee shop you’re working at?” She spoke almost too fast, as she always does when she’s nervous about something.

Thomas remembered that a few days ago when he arrived at work Derek told him that someone his age had a panic attack an hour before Thomas arrived. “It was Newt” he whispered to himself.

“Yes, and that’s not all…” She took a step closer, making sure no one was listening in on their conversation. She was just about to say something, but closed her mouth again and looked down, as if she was trying to think of a good way to say whatever she knew.

“Hey!” Thomas felt his heart beat faster, suddenly feeling extremely worried. “What happen? What do you know?” He didn’t realize he was shaking Teresa’s shoulders too aggressively until she took a step back. “Sorry, I…” With a big sigh he covered his face. “Please just tell me he’s okay”

“You know that he got a limp?” Not really sure where this was going Thomas slowly nodded. “He got it because he tried to… commit suicide” Thomas’ whole body froze. “And I think he regrets what he did to you… Badly, I heard him cry…”

Without saying a word Thomas turned around and walked out of the school. He heard Teresa call for him, but he ignored it. He had to get out of there. It was like the walls were getting closer and closer, and the air thinner and thinner, making it hard to breathe. Newt? Suicide? Why would he ever do something like that? Thousands of thoughts were spinning inside of his head. What had happened to Newt? What made him think killing himself was the only way?

When he’d left the school ground he took a seat on the nearest park bench. With a deep sigh he buried his face in his shaking hands, trying to calm down and process what Teresa had told him fifteen minutes ago. Thomas had always known there was something that wasn’t right with Newt, he had noticed the sadness in his brown eyes, even when he smiled he could see that deep inside he wanted to cry, but never had he imagined it to be something like this.  Suicide.

A sudden wave of quilt washed over Thomas. _I should have talked to him. Why didn’t I talk to him when I knew there was something that wasn’t right?_

Across the street Thomas saw a girl and a boy holding hands, laughing. They looked so happy. Why couldn’t he and Newt be like that? Why didn’t they deserve to be together and happy?

After a few minutes of thinking he decided to go to Newt’s house. He didn’t care about how Newt would react, or what he would say. He just had to talk to him, he just had to see him. He couldn’t be away from him any longer. It had been too long. Three weeks. And it was killing him.

With a deep sigh he stood up, grabbed his backpack and slowly started walking towards Newt’s house. It wasn’t until he’d walked halfway that he realized that he forgot his car at the school’s parking lot. He’d been so captured by his own thoughts that he forgot he had a car, and that he could have gotten to Newt’s house quicker if he drove. But it was too late now anyway. Moreover, walking felt like a better option when you have a lot to think about.

He walked down Newt’s street. At the end of the street a small white house caught his attention, Newt’s house. Suddenly he felt really nervous. After all, he hadn’t seen Newt in three weeks. What would he say? What would his mother say?

He stood at the porch and stared at the door, almost like he expected the door to open itself. He tried to think of something to say, but no matter how hard he tried to come up with something he just couldn’t. After a few minutes of hard thinking he decided to go home instead. What could he possibly say anyway? “Hello, I just decided to randomly show up here after three weeks of no contact whatsoever”. Thomas laughed humorlessly at himself for being so stupid to even think of the idea to show up with absolutely nothing to say.

Turning around he slowly walked down the few steps when the door behind him suddenly swung open. “I know, I know and I’m sorry! I’ll be there in five!” Thomas turned around to see Rose closing the door behind her as she put her phone back in her handbag. “Oh, hi Thomas?” she sounded surprised.

“Hi Rose” he replied awkwardly and looked down on his shoes.

“Haven’t seen you in a while.  How are you?” She smiled.

“I’m fine, thanks. How are you?”

“A little stressed. I’m running late. Coffee with a friend. So I gotta run, but Newt is up in his room. I guess that’s why you’re here. I’m glad you’re here” She sighed sadly and quickly covered it up with a smile “Oh well, see you later!” She said and walked over to her car.

“Yeah, see you later”

Thomas carefully opened the door and went inside. He closed the door behind him and for a few minutes he just stood there in the hallway, trying to come up with what to say.

It was quiet, the only sound to be heard was the dishwasher in the kitchen to his right. On the wall were a few framed pictures of Newt in different ages. Since he’d never spent much time in Newt’s hallway he’d never noticed these pictures before. One of the pictures was taken when Newt was about twelve or thirteen, it was hard to tell. The younger version of the blonde sat down in the grass a sunny summer day with the biggest smile on his lips. But there was one picture in particular who caught his attention. It was the picture next to it; he must have been around sixteen years old, still a smile on his lips. But it looked different. It looked like the smile Thomas was used to, the smile that was covering up all the pain inside of the blonde. That picture had to be taken after everything that happened to Newt. Things Thomas didn’t know. Considering it drove Newt to try to kill himself, Thomas didn’t know if he ever wanted to know. After a few more minutes of looking at the pictures he slowly made his way up the wooden staircase

He was now standing in front of a small corridor with three white doors. The one to the left was the door to Newt’s bedroom. Behind that door was Newt. Who he hadn’t seen since… The thought caused a sharp pain in his chest, and he had to let go of it and take a deep breath. His heart started to beat faster and faster as he closed in to the door. Lifting his right hand, ready to knock, he felt extremely nervous.  

He took a few deep breaths before he finally knocked three times. A few seconds passed “Forgot something mum!?” he heard Newt call from the other side of the door. Thomas heart jumped at the sound of Newt’s voice. He hadn’t heard that voice in three weeks, he’d almost forgot how perfect it was. So soft, and that British accent. “You maybe forgot how to…” Newt opened the door. “…Speak… Thomas?” to say he looked surprised was an underestimation.  

“Uh…Hi”

“What are you doing here?” He still stood in the doorway, and by the look on his face he wasn’t planning on letting Thomas into his room anytime soon.

“I…” Thomas looked down and scratched his neck. He didn’t know what to say. So he did the first thing that popped up in his mind. He pushed through the door and pulled Newt to him and kissed him.


End file.
